..The pathway we walk can be strewn with hard situations and unresolved relationship issues.

..You tried working through a conflict with a friend that involved sin. It didn’t go well.
..You had a family member turn against you and hurt you, but they won’t deal with it biblically.

How to lament

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Note: Most of this explanation of Lament is based on Dark Clouds Deep Mercy, by Mark Vroegop (the devotional journal). He developed the study of these psalms that developed the four steps of lament – turn, complain, ask, trust. There is a book and there is also a workbook that helps you write your own psalms of Lament : Dark Clouds. Deep Mercy Devotional Journal.

1. What is lament? It is to express deep sorrow, grief, or regret. But it is more than just sadness and grief. It is a prayer that expresses pain and hurt that leads to trust. These kinds of psalms are beautiful poems and songs expressing human struggles. Almost 1/3 of the psalms fit into this category. Some of them are individual laments and others are corporate lament where the whole nation is called to turn to God through their pain and loss.[1]  

1. Turn: we choose to turn to God in our pain rather than turn away from Him. We don’t “give God the silent treatment.” When hope feels distant we intentionally pray.
2. Complaint: our lament is bluntly honest about what we feel and think without just turning our prayer into a “venting time” with God where we feel good because we “told him off” for what life is like. Instead complaint is honest and humble admitting of our thoughts and feelings and how they are not good. Our frustrations, tensions, confusion, doubts, and more can lead us to say things to God that help us see them in the light of day and in the presence of God. We don’t wallow in our pain we express it to turn from it.
3. Ask: we now turn towards deliverance. But by deliverance we mean help. The psalmists based what they ask on what they know of God. This is crucial because their prayer to God is not just about feeling better or being done with pain. Since the results of sin on this world is that it is broken, we know that we must remind ourselves of God’s attributes and what he has said he will do for his people.
4. Trust: we are then strengthened by confidence in God’s trustworthiness. This is the “destination” of lament – to reaffirm that we will not doubt God. So the lament isn’t done so I feel better or so that my circumstances change as a reward from God. The goal is confidence in the midst of trials. We praise God “despite the pain” and even when the circumstances are drawn out into a long path.

2. How do we use lament as a form of journaling our walk with God?

• Journaling is something I think is essential to our walk with God as we express in our own words what we think and how we respond and how we enjoy God on our journey.

• Including lament in our journal helps us express our own psalm (not that it is inspired like the biblical psalms are) so that we can work our way through the steps to arrive at trust. We may be like the psalmist, hurting and struggling, perhaps confused about what God is doing or what he is allowing. We may wish for God’s retribution and justice to be served as we see the unfair treatment of people or watch the oppression and oppressor act. We may be disillusioned by our sinful struggle and that once again we fell into temptation or reacted in a way that didn’t reflect Christ.

• Experiencing Lament with the psalmist: Psalm 25 – Looking for the Turn; Complaint; Ask; Trust (The code to understand these four elements is listed below for sake of reference and flow in the passage.)
• Turn: v.1, 15, 20, 21 (Italics/underlined)
• Trust: v.2, 3, 8, 10, 12, 14 (gray highlights)
• Complaint: v.15, 16, 18, 19 (italics)
• Ask: v. 2, 4, 11, 16, 17, 18 (bold/italics)

• ¹To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul. ²O my God, in you I trust; let me not be put to shame; let not my enemies exult over me. ³Indeed, none who wait for you shall be put to shame; they shall be ashamed who are wantonly treacherous.⁴ Make me to know your ways, O Lord; teach me your paths. ⁵ Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long. ⁶ Remember your mercy, O Lord, and your steadfast love, for they have been from of old. ⁷ Remember not the sins of my youth or my transgressions; according to your steadfast love remember me, for the sake of your goodness, O Lord! ⁸ Good and upright is the Lord; therefore he instructs sinners in the way. ⁹ He leads the humble in what is right, and teaches the humble his way. ¹⁰ All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies. ¹¹ For your name’s sake, O Lord, pardon my guilt, for it is great. ¹² Who is the man who fears the Lord? Him will he instruct in the way that he should choose.  ¹³ His soul shall abide in well-being, and his offspring shall inherit the land. ¹⁴ The friendship^[b] of the Lord is for those who fear him,  and he makes known to them his covenant. ¹⁵ My eyes are ever toward the Lord, for he will pluck my feet out of the net. ¹⁶ Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted.  ¹⁷ The troubles of my heart are enlarged;bring me out of my distresses.  ¹⁸ Consider my affliction and my trouble, and forgive all my sins.  ¹⁹ Consider how many are my foes, and with what violent hatred they hate me.  ²⁰ Oh, guard my soul, and deliver me! Let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in you.  ²¹ May integrity and uprightness preserve me, for I wait for you.  ²² Redeem Israel, O God, out of all his troubles.

• What do I need to ask God for?

• What are some barriers to my trust?

• What are some specific complaints I have?

• What kinds of expression of trust can I use?

• What part of God’s character should I most call to mind?

• What happens if the goal of lament isn’t trust?

My psalm of lament:[2]  O God, I come to you because I have nowhere else to go [TURN]. No one else is with me 24/7. I am awake at 3a.m. Time for the latest pain dosage. [Complaint] Thank you for not leaving me alone in this time of trouble. I acknowledge that my heart goes to fears and “what ifs.” I don’t want my heart to fear what the medical outcome will be or what the doctors will say. But I also recognize that I have not faced this exact kind of situation before. You own me. You own Judi. You bought us with the blood of your Son. Oh I remember that you took us into a kind of medical valley a long time ago, but I was young and did not realize how close life and death were at that time. I have come to the end of my strength in this current situation. I am physically tired. I am spiritually spent. [Complaint] I don’t understand why you chose to allow this to enter our lives, but I am reminding myself that you will never allow us to go through a valley, a struggle, and a sense of the nearness of death but that you are with us. [TRUST] I am asking you to help me. Help me know your presence. Help me sense the prayers of your people. Give me a real sense of grace that is my strength. [Ask] I know that my selfish and proud inner man thinks we have served you enough for decades so that we shouldn’t have to go through trouble like this now. Not at this age. Forgive my impudence. Forge more of Christ in the place of that pride. Humble me. Remind me of truth I have memorized and spoken to others. Renew my spirit within me so that I do not walk in the flesh and sin. [Ask] I confess my sinful impatience and self-pity to you. Give my wife your grace. She needs it as well. Perhaps more. She is the one in pain. Unable to sleep. Unable to walk. Keep her from the fears that attack her soul. Help me know the words to say but also the loving patience to just listen and then to take us in prayer to you. Our physical bodies and our souls are in your hands. She needs your Spirit to lift her up. She needs to know the prayers of your people. I ask for physical healing, if it is your will. I also ask that in some way we both will be able to reflect your glory, your goodness, your greatness, and love to our family and to our unsaved neighbors. I know your steadfast love to both of us is unfailing and unlimited. I admit I was upset that the initial doctor’s work and help was so poor.[Complaint] I was angry. Forgive that sin. Help me to see your hand in bringing us to other medical people who reflected your wisdom, your insight, your care. I see you there even in the unsaved medical people who cared for us. I trust you. I want to say that so my heart remembers it. Help me to walk by faith. Walk. That is what I need to do. Take the next steps today. But I want faith in you to be true in the face of uncertainty and in the moments when my heart turns to selfish concerns and thoughts. I trust you to take us through, to lead us through, and to make us more like Jesus. Help me see the cross of Jesus. His suffering. His torture. His perseverance. His love. That is why I can trust you God. I want to walk in the shadow of the cross everyday. Thank you Jesus. Solus Christus.

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[1] Martin Luther: What is the greatest thing in the Psalter but this earnest speaking amid the storm winds of every kind? . . . Where do you find deeper, more sorrowful, more pitiful words of sadness than in the psalms of lamentation? There again you look into the hearts of the saints, as into death, yes, as into hell itself. . . . When they speak of fear and hope, they use such words that no painter could so depict for your fear or hope, and no Cicero or other orator has so portrayed them. And that they speak these words to God and with God, this I repeat, is the best thing of all. (Word and Sacrament, Luther’s Works, vol. 1, ed. E. T. Bachmann. Philadelphia: Fortress, 1960, pp. 255 –56).

[2] Written by Dr. David A. Coats – Reflecting the battle of the soul during extensive medical uncertainty and tests on his wife when she was in immense pain, unable to sleep or walk for weeks.