Sitting with some friends one morning, I was grieved to hear one man who spoke very judgmentally of
the poor, the homeless, and the needy. In his words, the unhoused are folks who are able to work, so
they should simply go out and get jobs like everyone else. If we knew the stories of many of the
destitute, we would not be so quick to judge. Hearing their stories and listening well, we discover that
many have landed on the streets due to circumstances beyond their control. We worked with one
woman who had a lawyer for a husband and who had owned 4 houses. She was a dental hygienist.
Within a span of about 8 months, her husband divorced her and took most of the belongings through
cunning; her son went into prison; her daughter-in-law abandoned the granddaughter, so this lady
took the granddaughter in; and then she got breast cancer without having insurance. She ended up
homeless. She did not drink, did not take drugs, did not have mental health issues, and did not have
anywhere to turn. Yes, there are others who are bound to addiction and need help. But what does the
Bible say about our my obligation as a believer to the poor and needy?

“There are more than 2,000 verses across the Old and New Testaments that address poverty, justice,
and the commandment to care for the marginalized. Because this theme is woven throughout
scripture, no single number can capture every reference to the poor, orphans, widows, and the
oppressed” (Google Search). These verses and admonitions cannot be ignored. Proverbs wisdom is
timeless

++ (Proverbs 14:21, “Blessed is he who is generous to the poor.

++Proverbs 17:5, “Whoever mocks the poor insults his maker.”) Jesus is our example of helping the poor

++(Matthew 19:21, “If you would be perfect, go, sell what you possess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in
heaven.” Repeated in Mark and Luke.)

++James 2:3-6 says that we tend to pay attention to wealthy people and treat them highly; but by so doing, we dishonor the poor, and we give the advantage to the oppressive rich.)

++If you became poverty-stricken, God’s word says we should do for others what
we would want done for us (Matthew 7:12).

We are commanded to love our neighbors as ourselves. There is no caveat with that commandment;
it does not say, “Love your poor neighbor only if he hasn’t done drugs or only if she is not a woman of
the streets or only if alcohol is not the reason they are there.” The marginalized are simply
there—poor and in need. Are 2000 references enough to convince us to help the poor? I say a
hearty, “Yes.” So how can I begin to help. Where can I begin? Let’s explore some ideas:

Number one: I would say to begin by finding out how your local church reaches out to the poor. And if
they do not, I would say you should start that outreach or move to a text-preaching church that does
include reach out to community. One church I know of has 2 Sundays per year where they invite
groups to the lobby to share their non-profit organizations such as cold weather shelters, homeless
resource days, traveling clothes washing and showering facilities, shared garden beds, food kitchens,
and so much more. Volunteer!

Number Two: Put together bags to carry in your car to hand out to the homeless when you come in
contact with them on the streets, at the grocery store, and in your community. The bags can be
purchased on Amazon for very little cost. The bags can double as back packs. Items to fill the bags
may include gift cards, socks, small Bibles, Kleenex, chap sticks, soft-texture granola bars without
chocolate that would melt in the car, bottles of water, sanitary wipes, t-shirts, personal notes of
encouragement with Bible verses.

Number Three: Take an interest in the homeless. When I have had the time and the occasion arises,
I’ll look them in the eye and ask what their story is. I ask what their name is. Treat them as a friend. You would be surprised how they will open up about why they are on the street. Engaging them in
conversation and looking them in the eye will yield amazing results.

Number Four: Find out about volunteer opportunities in the community at large. This opportunity
would be outside your local church and a wonderful way to get to know other people in the
community, the other volunteers and the unhoused themselves. The unhoused in your city are a
community themselves. They understand each other. We can learn much from what their lives are
like. Are you in a rural area with poverty but few homeless? You could inquire at the local schools to
see what the needs may be. We personally started a youth center for local students where the school
was in a very rural area. Poverty in this community was prevalent. The youth center grew in its
service to the community with meals, hygiene products, food boxes for weekends, homework help,
reading instruction, lots of fun outside activity, and so much more.

Number Five: Do not be discouraged by a negative experience. Will there be people that will buy
drugs with the dollars that you share? Yes. Will there be scammers that work for pimps and stand on
the corner? Will there be ungrateful folks that will turn away your bags of goodies? Will there be folks
that get upset with you because you give them food instead of money? Perhaps. Do not give up.

Suffering: My Story

By Judi Coats

My efforts to settle on an analogy for the recent 2 years of my life have eluded me until now. A hurricane or tornado best describes what I have experienced. I have lived through literal hurricanes and tornados (several times when we lived in Haiti). But the storm that tossed me about in these past almost 2 years in total was physical. Please allow me to explain the suffering before drawing analogies to a storm. In August 2024, I climbed the stairs to begin the afternoon at my job working at home for a structural engineer. I felt the crushing weight in my chest and knew immediately it was a heart attack. That recognition was a God-thing, so I grabbed my wallet, told Dave I was having a heart attack, and out the door we went to a local ER. The medical team flew me by helicopter to Swedish hospital in Denver where a cardiologist located a clot and repaired my heart. I did have a minor stroke where I lost the ability to use my phone, could not figure out the keyboard, and could not arrange numbers sequentially. Thus began the road to recovery. Dave was a wonderful care-giver. Six months passed and I was weak and needed time to relearn several skills. But I was progressing.

In January 2025, towards the end of the month, I kept having pain in my upper right, inner leg. I thought I needed an adjustment at the chiropractor. I also tried pain killers and heat on my leg. No one knew what the pain was from. I was able to go onto pain meds, strong ones, because of the pain. Finally, one day in March 2025, I told Dave I could take it no longer. We went to the ER where they took scans of my upper leg. The black mass appeared to be a foreign body looking like cancer. To summarize, several surgeons did not want to intervene until one told us that he was willing to biopsy the mass. In late April of 2025, the surgeon tried to biopsy the mass but that mass exploded in the operating room, so a tube was attached to my side for draining what had been a large abscess. What followed was a nightmare of an inability to walk because the abscess had cut off the circulation to the right leg, a drain on my side, little sleep because of bed sores, sleeping in a chair, weaning off of strong pain meds, physical therapy visits, operating with a walker, then a cane, and they limping through 6 months.

Here we were at August of 2025. I hadn’t had general exercise in a year. And I was losing my hair as well. Two months later, I had hope for recovery; as I sat in a choir practice, I felt my heart race and vibrate in my chest. At the ER, the attendant’s eyes grew large as my heart rate was between 135 and 150 beats per minute. Before this event, I was just beginning to feel like I could see hope for some recovery, and now this. What followed were three months of heavy meds (lost sleep and appetite), an ablation procedure, and a few cardio-versions. I was weak, frustrated, and tired. And my loving husband was walking through all of this with me.

As of January 2026, my heart stabilized, and a switch in medication allowed me to sleep and to have an appetite again. I cannot guarantee tomorrow, but as of the writing of this article (May of 2026), I am almost feeling like myself again. My efforts to manage this post-trauma period in which I lost my perspective have brought me to the analogy of the severe storm. Writing down my thoughts will help me and will perhaps help someone else, I hope. God also gave me some stronghold verses for each stage. I share those as well. Let me break it down:

•  A storm comes up with little to no warning. We do not know what a day may bring, but amidst the surprise storm in my life, it caused a fear of dying in my sleep, a sadness that I would never be happy again, death-wishes of sorts with
  no plan of exiting this world. I could not think straight during the storm. Tethered to Proverbs 3:5,6 to trust in the Lord with all my heart, I clung to that trust in God as the winds blew and the dust swirled and the tree branches fell all around me
  figuratively.
• A severe storm leaves devastation. Many travel plans were cancelled; purchases like a walker, bandages, gauze, a cane became the focus; visits from home health care took up the days; physical therapy was on the agenda; a wound specialist came once per week; everything turned upside down for months and months. I clung to “Draw near to me, and I’ll draw near to you.” I begged God for nearness.
• A severe storm obscures future hope. As I mentioned, losing perspective is prevalent during this storm. I was in despair of never feeling joy or happiness ever again. Seeing a home destroyed following a storm leaves a person unable in a sense to imagine any kind of hopeful future. That was me. Sad, confused, desperate, managing the minutes of my life—going crazy sitting up in our bedroom day after day. I missed fellowship, corporate singing, gathering, friends, family. I rested in the image of “when you pass through the waters, I will be with you.”
• After the storm, the clean up is difficult. Where do I begin? What was the aftermath for me? I had not walked substantially for nearly 2 years. I had had little exercise. I limped and continued to have numbness of my right side of my
  upper thigh. I was monitoring my heart with frequent visits to the cardiologist. My appetite was slowly returning. I really had not been in a store in all that time with few exceptions. Dave had done all the shopping, all the cooking, all the cleaning,
  all the care for my needs. My normally joyful heart was flat-lined–utterly. Where was joy? Psalm 16:11 was my answer: “In your presence is fullness of joy.”  Spend time with God.
• After the storm, can I enjoy the sunshine? Someone said that after that kind of episode of trauma, we understand the pain, the anxiety, the fear, the dread, the hopelessness; but we do not know how to experience joy and happiness again. One indicator for me was that I love to sing and hum songs, but I had lost that practice completely. Recently, I was humming one morning and realized that was the first time in months. Joy was possible—my sunshine was returning. Another strange feeling of life’s joy returning was walking into a store by myself and wanting to shout, “I am doing this on my own again!” Doesn’t that sound strange? But to me, it was an indication that I could be happy again in the small life gifts. Once again, I am trying to verbalize what I went through to help someone else to identify with my storm experience.

Where do things stand now? As I said, I don’t know what a day may bring for my future, but the spiritual warfare of the recent past was brutal; and the tug of war to doubt God nearly won. But I firmly believe that when I could not pray, people were praying for me; when I could not feel anything, God was and is near; when I despaired of life, God gave me the hope of His Hand upon my life; when I wanted to give up, my loving family and church family reassured me of their love. Groceries showed up on our doorstep twice, notes were sent our way, gift cards paid for needed items. Today, gratitude fills my heart. I still limp, and I still monitor my heart daily; but I am not in the storm or the aftermath. I have moved beyond that storm. I am living in joy once again in my walk with God. I thought I had lost joy forever. But “in Your presence is fullness of joy (Psalm 16:11).”

When Judi and I help people sort out the problems in their home, it is not uncommon for us to work through conflict in counseling couples or families. In fact, it is probably one of the top three reasons people ask for counseling help in their home and in their marriage.  Conflict may be connected to another main topic such as communication. (In fact, usually when someone says they need counseling because of “communication problems,” it really means that underneath they have differences that are driving them apart and those differences end up in fights and arguments.) But either way, it is helpful for us to spend some time unpacking some biblical and practical help that can be brought to bear on the conflict these folks have experienced.  Sadly, many people live with conflict as a way of life. Perhaps they feel like it is a personality problem. Or they may blame the other person without looking at their own part in the conflict.  Maybe they experienced conflict while they were growing up and so they assume it is just normal to life. Or (Judi says), they just want life to be “smooth sailing,” so they ignore the struggle.

One of the most helpful ways to resolve conflict is to find out what the main issue or issues are related to that are at the center of the conflict. Usually, it is through this process of sorting out issues that we begin to see what is really going on in the hearts of the people involved in the conflict. (We drew these categories from biblical counselor Dr. Nicholas Ellen.) Four general categories enable us to identify underlying reasons for conflict.

(1) Issues related to Preferences: From experience, more people fight over and argue over preferences than any other category. That is sad.  It is what they prefer, and they are willing to go to war over it. Think about it. That color is your preference. You like that pizza more than the kind your husband enjoys. You like your eggs hard; he likes his eggs over-medium. And on it goes.

(2) Issues related to Wisdom:  In some situations, there is a difference of opinion on what is wise, given certain conditions or potential risks. This does bring out our background and our thinking about what is normal for us as opposed to the other person. The person that tends to be more careful will demand that they take all of the precautions necessary in order to be safe, and they think the other person is being foolish in taking such risks as suggested. The situation and decision engage with what is viewed as wise or as foolish. For example, is it wise to sign a lease on a vehicle for more than the budget allows? What are the risks? What are you committing to as a couple? How much is insurance? How much does it cost to register the vehicle?

(3) Issues related to Conscience:  For some people, they have a problem doing certain things that their friend or spouse do not have a problem doing. They cannot clearly do these things by faith before God. Their conscience is related to a set parameter based on what they believe is acceptable or pleasing to God. The choice to do this action doesn’t intersect with a specific, direct command of God, but instead, their choice to not do it is based on an application of a principle. It is a life choice, based on what they believe God is like or what he has said about other issues. For example, a wife has no problem enjoying a meal at a sports bar. The husband, having grown up in a strict home where any association with alcohol was viewed ungodly, does not want his family to patronize a sports bar. 

(4) Issues related to Sin:  Finally, there are some things that are clearly identified biblically as sin. We know that God has commanded us to put off sinful actions as specified in Scripture. When someone acts in accordance with what God has clearly defined as sin, that action must be dealt with by confession, repentance, and forgiveness. Sin is the basis of all conflict. And it may be my sinful heart. Or it may be my proud heart wanting to do what I want, regardless of how it affects someone near me.  Without a selfish, sinful, determined heart that wants what it wants, I can choose to live in humility and in service, loving my neighbor. And my closest neighbor is my spouse. We can be discouraged by the conflict and disheartened by the arguments, but until we are ready to sit down and place our desires, thoughts, and plans on the table together, the conflict will only continue.

Questions to Diffuse Conflict from Preference Disagreements, Wisdom-Choices, Conscience Issues, and Sinful Behavior:

Do your own homework; evaluate each area of conflict to isolate the problems; pray for God’s direction in resolving areas of conflict in your marriage or family.  Do not let conflict go unresolved. God’s way is best.

Solus Christus – Dave & Judi

As Dave has counseled locally over the last 20 years and as he has also traveled in speaking on pornography, it is clear that the topic of Soul Purity is needed today as much as it ever has been. The reality is that our culture and the church itself continues to be awash in porn, along with all of the attending destruction. In 2025 Dave is planning a one-night seminar on Soul Purity that is taken from his weekend retreats that he has done.  Several churches have asked if he can do this in a zoom format as well so that they can get in on the Friday evening event from a distance.

Someone asked: Who is this seminar for?

• Men and women struggling with pornography.
• Counselors and mentors who are helping others biblically.
• Pastors and elders who oversee ministry and discipleship and who want to gain insight into the process of turning from porn to Christ.
• Those who are addicted to other sins can also find hope and help in these sessions.

Date: Friday January 31, 2025.

Zoom Note: If you would like to get in on this event by zoom, please email Dave at:      davidacoats1@gmail.com in advance as an RSVP so that we have sufficient communication to work out the logistics.

Soul Purity Seminar: Freedom From Porn in Christ

“Regardless of age, background, and struggle, we all face the temptations to sin and to fall. My goal is to give hope and to find common ground as sinners, saved by the grace of God. We should seek and we can find a superior satisfaction in Christ. We must find out how to eat and drink at God’s table rather than Satan’s table of pornography and other sexual sins.”

Session #1: “The Heart of Sin” – The goal of this session is to deal with the possible ways we blame other sources for our sexual sins, rather than dealing with and acknowledging the problems in our own heart. We call this process “dealing with the root sin” and not just focusing on the “fruit.” We understand and we acknowledge the battle for soul purity.

Session #2: “The Pathway to Joy in God” – The goal of this session is to help us know how to return to our spiritual joy of soul in God. The journey takes us through Confession, Repentance, and Forgiveness – to find that joy of our salvation and rescue from sin. There is actually hope found when we can call our sin idolatry and adultery as God does. Out of the ashes of sexual sin can come beautiful worship again. We move from Duty to Discipline to Delight in God.

Session #3: “The Satisfaction in God Alone” – The goal of this session is to first identify what it means to replace God with porn and other sexual sins and idols. Then we will develop a robust view of worship for God that is based on our “hunger and thirst after righteousness” – which is a hunger and thirst for God. We want to move from knowing Information about God, to Motivation by God, and then to Transformation by God.

Session #4: “Walk with God and with One Another.” – The goal of this session is to understand what it means to continually walk with God, while also pushing one another to enjoy Him, love Him, and to seek Him together. We will explore how to “eat at God’s table” personally on a daily basis, instead of the table of sensuality. And then how do we honestly and carefully walk together in ways that will not allow our brothers and sisters to drift into sin? Loving, biblical accountability is not asking a question like, “how was your week?” It is opening our hearts and lives in ways that we cannot hide. Nor do we want to hide. We want to walk in the light.

Friday Schedule:

Session 1: 6:15-7:00pm

Break for interaction

Session 2: 7:15-8:00pm

Break for interaction

Session 3: 8:15-9:00pm

Break for interaction

Session 4: 9:15-10:00pm

Address: Southwest Community Church – 4001 S Wadsworth Blvd.
Littleton, CO 80123

By Dr. Judith R. Coats

In my life, I have been discouraged multiple times. However, I have been depressed twice. What is the difference? Discouragement is generally a loss of enthusiasm or confidence in a person or because of a situation. Of course, there are varying degrees and duration of discouragement; but the emotion does not usually become debilitating. Discouragement is also generally confined to emotion. Depression in a very broad sense is a very different “beast.” It crosses over from emotion to dictate how we think, what we believe, and how we act. When discouraged, we usually continue our daily activities under a rather mild blanket of sadness. When depressed, we absolutely do not function or at least barely function. The level of irrationality and debilitation is profound.

Depression, of course, has varying degrees of depth and duration for those of us that have walked that valley, and it has various “ground zeroes.” A negative memory, a post-partum experience, a financial loss, a severe illness, a sexual assault from the present or past, a death of a loved one, an abandonment, or a divorce are any number of “ground zero” situations to set up people for depression.

It was a heart condition, AFIB and a blood clot in my heart, in the summer of 2018 that plunged me into a desperate, dark, lonely, grief-stricken depression. My fight with this monster called depression lasted approximately 5 months. I watched myself descend, and I watched myself come out of the dark.  I had been there before, so I had the knowledge of what was happening. Please read about my other experience here.

Admittedly, depression’s causes and links are hard to pin down. Depression can be learned from someone dear to you who perhaps was depressed all the time; depression can be physical as in a post-partum experience or post-surgery; depression can be linked to a personality tendency; depression can be spurred on by loneliness or friend-lessness; depression has many sources. No matter the reason or the cause, the story of Job gave me hope and inspiration as I studied it during my encounter with depression. And I noticed many stunning truths. The greatest lesson I learned is that no matter the “reason” or “duration” of the depression, the hope came back down to one simple truth. Let me lead you to that truth as we look at Job’s story.

In God’s sovereignty and at God’s appointment, God chose a man who “feared God and stayed away from evil” (Job 1:1) to walk through a deep, dark, horrific depression. I believe that the book of Job reveals through Job’s thoughts, beliefs, and actions at the time, that he was facing depression. Here are the catalysts for depression that Job faced:

1. Loss of loved ones in one day (All of his children perished.)
2. Loss of relationship (Job’s extended family is not evident here at all.)
3. Illness (Boils covered his entire body; he sat in dust and ashes scraping the sores.)
4. Loss of friends (Their advice was insulting and showed that they really did not know him.)
5. Loss of finances (He lost his entire livelihood in one day.)
6. Marital difficulties (He lacked the support of his wife during this trial.)
7. Pride (Perhaps for the first time in his life, he questions God.)
Ivermectin for Sale can be ordered online over the counter will not guarantee a receipt; it’s based on the time between when you fill out the form you can buy Ivermectin. When ordered online, you can order the stromalase online over the counter in your state, you’ll need to visit a pharmacy, you are responsible for paying for the prescription Ivermectin for Sale to be placed on the shelves for the purchase of Ivermectin 100 mg online because it’s not approved for such conditions. Most commonly test you are given to check the potency of the supplement and to see if a Ivermectin for Sale in the Dominican Republic While Ivermectin is available over the counter are more complicated as it’s usually a matter of a prescription for Ivermectin and of checking with a drug evaluation to be sure that your Ivermectin for Sale has been properly labeled properly to your. Please note: The number of brands of Ivermectin for Sale have been approved to treat infections such as herpes and genital herpes, as well as other vitamins and minerals. You’ll have to do a bit of a mystery as to which stores are buy Ivermectin or online over the counter unless you understand the requirements set forth by the Food and Drug Administration and its product labeling was changed. You may decide if you wish to use Ivermectin for Sale as a treatment, you can Ivermectin for Sale from the online store, you will be charged a different amount or have not been notified about an upcoming delivery of Ivermectin.
8. Loss of all his animals

Evidently, the only “ground zero” that I do not see in the life of Job is sexual assault or physical assault. But other than that, in a very short span of time, Job faced all of these listed hardships at once. You can feasibly be doing “everything right,” focusing on God and detesting evil, and the circumstances that touch your body and soul and your surroundings create a layer of depression that overshadows your life entirely. At this point, don’t ask “Why?” Ask “What?” What is God doing in my life?

In the following verses, I wanted to show you how Job processed his experience and how I processed mine during my 5 months of depression in order to parallel our experiences. My pain does not measure up to Job’s, but our reactions (and others’ reactions) are similar in the middle of depression.

(The verses are taken from the ESV.)

Job 3:3–Job says, “Let the day perish on which I was born.”

My daily thoughts—“What is the point of staying alive.”

Job 3:21—Job says, He “digs for [death] more than for hidden treasures.”

My daily thoughts—“I simply want to die.”

Job 3:26—Job says, “I am not at ease, nor am I quiet; I have no rest.”

My daily thoughts—“I will never again feel peace or contentment in my life.”

Job 6:11—Job says, “What is my strength, that I should wait? And what is my end that I should be patient?”

My daily thoughts—“I simply cannot go on like this.”

Job 7:7—Job says, “My eye will never again see good.”

My daily thoughts—“I will never feel happy again.”

Job 7:16—Job says, “I loath my life.”

My daily thoughts—“I am lonely and alone.”

Job 10:9—Job says, “Remember that you have made me like clay.”

My daily thoughts—“I feel like a pawn in your hands.”

Job 16:7—Job says, “Surely, now, God has worn me out.”

My daily thoughts—“Why are you doing this to me, God?”

Job 17:11—Job says, “My plans are broken.”

My daily thoughts—“The future will hold no joy for me.”

Job 19:13—Job says, “Those who knew me are wholly estranged from me.”

My daily thoughts—“There is no one that understands my plight.”

Job 19:22—Job says of his friend’s words, “Why do you, like God, pursue me?

My daily thoughts—“This is not fair.”

Job 21:15—Job says, “What profit do we get if we pray to him [God]?”

My daily thoughts—“Praying does nothing.”

Job 23:17—Job says, “Thick darkness covers my face.”

My daily thoughts—“Darkness overshadows every day.”

Job 30:11—Job says, “God has loosed my cord and humbled me.”

My daily thoughts—“This has humbled me like no other time in my life.”

Job 30:16—Job says, “Days of affliction have taken hold of me.”

My daily thoughts—“My life is over.”

The statements that Job expressed are starkly shared by those that are expressed by many of us in the midst of depression. I do not claim to be an expert on the subject of depression, but I do speak from experience. In my brutally honest reporting of my thoughts, my daily death-wishes were tempered by a hope that Job saw as well.

So what was God doing?

God used this trying time in Job’s life to draw Job into a closer walk with Himself. Our God is not a punisher. We must see God as one who has open arms and is always drawing us to Himself, deeper and richer. He uses poetic questions to bring Job back to the realization that if God in His infinite wisdom watches over a hawk that soars, how much more does he care for us?

Job 38:4—“Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?”

Job 38:12—“Have you commanded the morning since your days began, and caused the dawn to know its place?”

Job 38:22—“Have you entered the storehouses of the snow, or have you seen the storehouses of the hail?”

Job 38:31—“Can you bind the chains of Pleiades or loose the cords of Orion?”

Job 39:26—“Is it by your understanding that the hawk soars and spreads its wings toward the south?”

Job is humbled by God’s questions, and Job learns a valuable truth in the end:

Job 40:3-5—“Then Job answered the Lord and said: Behold, I am of small account; what shall I answer you? I lay my hand on my mouth. I have spoken once, and I will not answer; twice, but I will proceed no further.”

Job 42:6—“I have heard of you by the hearing of the ear; but now my eye sees you.”

What does Job mean when he says, “But now my eye sees you”? Job knew of God by tradition of his forefathers; however, now, his senses are heightened and there is a clarity of closeness to his precious Father God.

What is the valuable truth through all of this? It is this: God is asking you and me in that intimate relationship with Him, “AM I ENOUGH?”  No matter what comes my way, He is sufficient; and He is mine.  “Trust in me,” “I’m thinking on you,” “My grace is sufficient,” are all truths that came back to me as I faced the black waves of depression. God was enough. God is enough. God will be enough.

*****Note: I’m writing this article during COVID19 simply because I have the time to process my notes from a year ago. Even in these circumstances, the truth is applicable here as well: God is enough.

By Dr. David A. Coats and Dr. Judith R. Coats

Think about the creation with me for a moment. God made the man and the woman to love, to worship, to serve, and to enjoy God. The focus was not on what they were like on the exterior, but the focus was simply how Adam and Eve could enjoy God from their hearts. God made the woman to know God, to love God, and to appreciate all of His ways and plans. God also made the woman to be a partner with man. Together they were to serve Him.

Then, because of the fall, life, the way God meant it to be was no longer the reality.  They now had hearts that desired and wished for things they should not have. They blamed each other for the descent into darkness and into sin. Men’s and women’s relationships were radically changed. Out of this depraved fall away from God came, along with many other kinds of sin, the lack of satisfaction with God’s provision and plan in the areas of sex and purity. And thus men exploited women, women exploited men, men blamed women and destroyed women, drawing them away from God. Women, on the other hand, became less satisfied with God and His gospel and kingdom, feeling like men or other women were their “saviors” and feeling that they needed men’s or women’s attention by worshiping their evil desires. Women felt more valued if someone besides God wanted their bodies rather than being satisfied and enjoying how they were valued by God. Out of this backdrop of sin and idolatry we would like to address the problem of blaming women for men’s sexual struggles and impurity in general.

Historically, it seems like the typical discussion agenda that has prevailed over a generation at our purity sessions with the church body is the following: First, here is how the conversation has tended: “Guys, you need to be careful what you look at.” Second, “Girls, you need to make sure you don’t lead the guys into sin–no low necklines, no slits in skirts, no cleavage, and no attention drawn to ‘those’ parts of the body.” The heavy burden was and is placed on women to not cause men to sin.

Furthermore, when we hear about a man who leaves his wife for another woman, we seem to immediately blame the “other” woman, not the man. But perhaps the more important question would be, “What kind of man is he?” Don’t give him a pass (as we seem to). Don’t assume that because he was a deacon or an elder that he gave in to an alluring woman that dressed so provocatively that he couldn’t resist. Men, stop blaming women for your lust, sin, sensual struggles, and sensual choices. Understand these problems are sourced in your own heart as a part of the fall. Men now tend to blame others rather than identifying the evil of their own hearts.

So, now that you understand the direction of this article, I will do my best to proceed to examine past misconceptions more carefully. I truly want to help us to think biblically and carefully about this topic of temptation and sin, especially as it may pertain to or not pertain to women’s dress or undress, and men’s struggles to remain pure in our society. And yes, I hope to deal fairly with this topic both within the church and within our society at large. I believe our approach will be more logically and biblically accurate by thinking about how a man remains pure while working and living in an ungodly age Sunday to Sunday and then applying the same principles to life within the church gathering once per week.

I want to help us to think about modesty and purity within the church as we would in relationships outside of the church body. This connection for some odd reason has not been made or appears not to have been made. Remember, every man and woman is still created by God to know Him and to love Him rather than to worship and to long after the creature/creation. Change begins in the heart which God made to worship Him. And when we are in the world or gathered with our church, we need to see both men and women as worshipers. But the question simply is this: “What do we worship?”

I think we tend to make the church a supposedly safe zone to come and to “worship God,” where everybody just loves Jesus. So then we tend to set up a cosmetically inaccurate view of who we are, having our really high standards just to upkeep that ecclesiastical aura. For example, we assume that if all the women in the church building on Sunday are dressed from head to toe, completely covered, then all the men will be pure in their minds and in their hearts Sunday through Sunday.  Everyone will worship together in purity.  Ah, perfect scenario. Who are we fooling? Big mistake in our assumptions over the past several years. We judge people by the outside.  Certain women must be spiritual because they have conformed to a certain standard that is set up by some man’s preferences for them. And even worse, set up by the world’s standard of going to a certain building for a certain event.

Our gatherings, then, tend to become a place for a special clientele who meet a “high clothing standard” approved by the church leadership. The reason I want to address philosophy and thinking before we get to some of Paul’s statements in scripture regarding attire is that we import our cultural philosophy into this discussion:  we have been pharisaical. Most importantly, we know spirituality and Christlikeness isn’t about how we look or dress but what is in our hearts (Jesus said in Matthew 15:19, “For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander”). When we put undue emphasis on the external, we are being like the Pharisees who wanted a certain look and appearance (determined by them) for acceptance to God. And Jesus told them that they were like a grave full of dead men’s bones (Matthew 23:27 and 28).

Let me answer some questions that you may have in mind related to modesty and to believers in the church body.

Question: What is the meaning of the term modesty in scripture? Modesty is drawing attention to self–a desire to put self on display. A man in a suit can be proud and pompous, communicating extreme immodesty.  A loud and obnoxious woman would express immodestly despite clothing. To quote John Calvin, “[Paul] wishes therefore that [women’s] dress should be regulated by modesty and sobriety; for luxury and immoderate expense arise from a desire to display. . . . And hence, we ought to derive the rule of moderation; for, since dress is an indifferent matter, (as all outward matters are,) it is difficult to assign a fixed limit, how far we ought to go.” Overall, the main point that Calvin is making from Paul’s statement is that women should be moderate in their dress (whatever that may look like to each woman–not to each man to judge for the woman) and yet it is an “indifferent matter.” In other words, Calvin has no set parameter in mind. What do we mean by the word moderate? Moderate like modesty is not drawing attention to self.

Question: How fully clothed must a woman be in order to completely eliminate the possibility of the concept of leading men into sin? Is that any man’s decision how fully clothed a woman should be to satisfy his estimation of eliminating temptation? If a woman has a dress down to her knees but a slit on the side, does that lead men astray? Maybe another woman has a loose-fitting skirt to her mid-calf, and she is a woman with a full figure and pretty face. Despite the fact that she is fully clothed, is her “problem” her God-given physical attributes that don’t pass a man’s modesty test? Is her best option to sew Amish-style clothes that hang and bag off her body? That too would draw attention as she walks into a church gathering. No matter how a woman is clothed, honestly, of the hundreds of men I have counseled in matters of soul purity, most of them admit that women’s skin can be very well-covered in fabric; and yet, in their minds, they systematically undress women anyway (I am not exaggerating). So where have all the rules for “complete covering” gotten us?  Nowhere. The heart wants what the heart wants since Eden. The heart imagines what it lusts after, and the heart can picture those fantasies. What should be worship of God is instead depraved imagination.

Question: What does Paul, the apostle, say to women? First, Paul does not say anything about the length of attire, showing of skin, or ladies’ clothes appropriate to church gatherings. He certainly could have gone after the issue of clothing, given his Corinthian (sensual) society. But church leadership over the years has had a great deal to say about clothing whereas Paul did not. Unfortunately, what has happened is that the church has gone so far as to shun a woman who visits a gathering of the body of Christ in attire that does not meet the “high standard.” Therefore, the tendency is to immediately assess her attire and to decide that if she continues to come, she needs to change the way she dresses. Or at least her spirituality is assessed by her dress. Certainly, a woman that follows Jesus should not dress “like that” is the pharisaical conclusion that we have fostered among the people of God–very anti-James in actuality.  James rebukes the attitude of assessing the clothing of someone attending our gathering.

Question: What does Jesus say? “If a man look on a woman to lust after her, he has already committed adultery with her in his heart”? (Matthew 5:28). Jesus is saying that the problem originates in the man’s heart: his heart thoughts and sensual desires for that woman. The woman’s clothing is not the cause of the man’s sexual impurity; instead, that impurity is about the desires to possess and to take pleasure from a person that does not belong to that man. Remember, the man who can approach the struggle with what he sees around him in the world, aware of and concerned for his own heart’s tendency toward adultery and idolatry, this man will react with self-discipline and compassion (not judgment) both in his work place and in his church with all women. All men, married and single, must desire to worship God and to find satisfaction in God alone.

Question: What does James say? (1:14-15) “But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire.  Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.” Why doesn’t James say that the problem with sin begins in the world around man rather than in man’s heart with its “desires” that draw him away? It is simple. God knows our main problem: a longing, adulterous, unsatisfied heart. So we could follow James’s line of thinking to understand that a woman can follow very strict standards of dress but the man’s desire for her is driven by his lack of satisfaction with what he has. In his mind, he wants to see and to enjoy something else. Men who struggle with a pornographic heart will admit clothing has nothing to do with their fantasy to engage with a woman sexually. (Again, I have heard this in my counseling sessions many times.)

So then, men must recognize that there will be women at their work place or at the store or at the local park who dress in ways that the men’s hearts will react to poorly. Or a man may be on a cycling team or a member of a local gym or YMCA. He will see women in every area of society, so his heart must be set or committed to a certain way of viewing women that is not idolatrous and adulterous. He needs to know that these women need to worship God and love God. So whether in our church gatherings or in the work place and in everyday situations, the key is not the clothing of the women but the key is the condition of the man’s heart and his view of the woman. Does he desire that she know and worship God, or does he desire the woman to want his advances?

Question: How should the gospel of God in Christ inform our discussion and our conclusions? As we disciple men and women in our church bodies, for example, and we realize that they are living for the approval of others, we should then address the idols of the heart and allow God to bring them to conclusions as far as their attire. The gospel of Jesus informs us not to judge them but instead to welcome them and then to help them not to be driven by the approval or attention of mankind, but the glory of God.

Question: What does Paul say the approach should be to sin and to temptation in the church? The only passage where Paul works through temptation to sin is in Romans 14, but Paul’s main topics are about people who observe special days and the consuming or not consuming certain foods. Paul’s overall theme is not to judge either way. Whether you do or you do not consume certain foods, you should not judge another person. Why? For we will all stand before the Judge and not the other Christian. We will give account to Christ as judge and not a fellow believer in the church (v.10-13).

“Stop judging,” Paul says, “but don’t put a cause to stumble or fall in front of our brother” (v.13 and v. 21). Now that certainly is a clear statement by Paul. We want to help the weak brother to be edified and to grow (15:2);  within the church, we are discipling one another. However, the church has falsely catered to the weak brother. So what is Paul’s intent? Believers are to GROW. At some point, the weak believer is to become mature enough in his or her walk with God and mature in grace to handle the temptations and to understand the differences within the church.

In fact, I believe Paul’s point initially in Romans 14:1 is so important. Paul opens this section on life in the church saying that a weak person in the faith should not become a disputing issue. Do not divide the church or attack people who differ in things that are not clear (doubtful). Frankly, Paul is addressing doubtful issues related to people’s past as an unbeliever, even if they were a religious unbeliever. The church body, therefore, should not major on questionable issues or non-issues like clothing.

Final Question: What should the women in the church know and do? Pray for the men. Intercede for them that God will develop in them a heart of love and purity for all people. Recognize that some in the church will have weak hearts, bad thinking, unchecked lusting, and weak wills driven by all the imagery they have consumed.  Men and women must consider and pray about how they dress each day to please God and not to draw attention to self.  Women, don’t obsess about what men think of the way that you dress. Stand in God’s grace as you leave for the day. Don’t make dressing “incorrectly” your greatest fear. I know of women who walk with God who are judged by some as evil because of their clothing. Despite other’s conclusions, trust God and please Him.

Final suggestion: Men, you need to spend time considering that God made women to know Him and to love Him and to enjoy Him. They are made in His image to worship Him and to serve Him. Then focus on the truth with each woman that you encounter that she is made in God’s image; these thoughts should be your greatest and first thoughts about the women (saved and unsaved, godly and ungodly). Desire that women worship God. Desire and pray that they will love and enjoy and serve God. Think on the cross, and know that every woman needs Jesus. They don’t deserve your judgment or your adulterous thoughts. Consider all that women and men can be if they will but image God well. [I address this concept of imaging and worshiping God in my Soul Purity book in week 4 of an 8 week study.] You can access this material here.

In conclusion, we appeal to the elders of the churches to please sit down to discuss these concepts as they relate to the heart of man and his worship rather than cultural pressure to conform to a certain standard which may be the antithesis of the Gospel.