We hear quite a bit about brokenness from those who are speaking to the church and by those speaking about the church as well as by those who would describe our general human condition. I certainly do not disagree with the term brokenness (Romans 8:19-23).  My only concern is that we should use the term in such a way that reflects the whole of scripture in its context along with all of the texts that speak of victory, conquering, and overcoming through Christ.  Otherwise, we as a body of Christ are tempted to commiserate in our brokenness, halted on the sanctification pathway, manifesting little difference between ourselves and the world.

Certainly, we are all broken people, saved and unsaved, because of the fall and its dark effects. Depravity has touched all parts of our being and has caused brokenness to show up and to manifest itself in many different forms. But the point of this article is to point out what distinguishes our brokenness from the world’s chains to brokenness without Christ. Sin’s effects stretch across the landscape of our lives. Families, churches, schools, teams, government, and on it goes–they all can be shown to have been affected by the sinful brokenness of mankind. But let’s remember, there is victory through Christ. All of us experience the following brokenness; however, we have the answer and the pathway to be conquerors (Romans 8:37) scripturally:

• People in a family experience brokenness as that unit is split in two by the pride and selfishness of the parents.
• Churches experience it as people in the pew become driven by their fears and evil desires, their controlling manipulation and attacking antics.
• Our country experiences the brokenness of political rivals who attack and cause hurt to their opponents, doing whatever it takes to win.
• Friends who have been hurt by others take out that hurt on someone else in turn. Unchecked brokenness usually leads to more brokenness.

Healing is offered by the Powerful, Great Physician (Matthew 8 and 9)

Although we as believers will always feel the effects of brokenness on our lives until Christ comes back to make all things new, we still can begin to enjoy the renewing and healing work of God now. In the writing of our day, the phrase sometimes used to express this concept is already/not yet. The work of God has begun in us, especially in our inner man. We feel the decay of our outer man, as Paul describes it; but we get to enjoy the renewing work of God on our inner man. So we are not the Humpty-Dumpty of our world. God is beginning to put us back together again.

In fact, I have realized how many times in the gospels, when God puts Christ on display for the world to see who He is and what He can do, God is not just showing them so that they would accept Him as Messiah. God is not just healing people so they can experience His compassion. God is definitely putting his power on display so that we can get a taste of what it will be like in His Kingdom forever. And we should definitely be enjoying, even if it is in fits and spurts at times, the healing work of our inner man. The brokenness that we have known can be replaced and should be in the process of being replaced with His grace and mercy, love and goodness. The paralytic got to experience what every paralyzed person will know forever in God’s kingdom. The disciples saw how powerful Christ is over nature while in a little boat; and therefore, they got to experience what everyone will know in the Kingdom of God–nothing within nature will harm them. The demon-possessed men of Gadarenes experienced what all of us in God’s Kingdom will know: Satan cast out and restrained so he has no power over us at all.

Now, we can think about Jesus’ prayer in this new way: “Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth, as it is in Heaven.” So then the God who will bring healing to the nations, justice to His people, peace and safety to our world, this God has already begun that work in our hearts.  If we have surrendered to the KING, and my life, heart, and soul is His kingdom, we should know its reality and work daily. This truth means that we need to live in light of His power and healing of our soul. We should not keep living in despair. I realize we need to apply the grace of God and the Word of God directly to the areas of our soul and life that are the most heavily impacted by brokenness. Another reality is that although the brokenness within is being healed, I will still be impacted and affected by the brokenness of the world around me. I will be the recipient of their sinful brokenness,  even when I have already begun to know healing myself. But enjoy and embrace the new life that comes directly from the King of Kings. Don’t stay broken, at least not in the same way you were broken when you came to Christ and knew His complete and unconditional forgiveness.

Be an overcomer (I John 5:4-5) “Who is it that overcomes the world except the one that believes that Jesus is the Son of God?”; be victorious through Christ; be more than conquerors through Him who loves us.  Yes, we are broken.  But don’t stay broken.  Don’t settle for an Eeyore, “Woe is me” attitude in the body of Christ.  Have a healthy perspective of your sin, but also have a healthy perspective of the Over-comer in your life as well.  He is the Victor.  Otherwise, we let sin reign in our mortal bodies, and knowing God and enjoying God does not make room for such weight of brokenness here on earth.

One final thought–Brokenness connects us to a sinful world simply because, in reality, we are not better than anyone else.  This honest attitude helps us to disciple and to counsel new believers to come out of their brokenness.  BUT if we overemphasize brokenness void of hope, we have little to offer unbelievers or new believers as well (Romans 5:2-5). Let’s be careful that we don’t boast in brokenness to the neglect of hope. Don’t stay broken.

It happened yesterday. Someone slammed you verbally. She attacked your character. She hurt your feelings deeply. What is so bad or unusual about this hurtful event? She claims to be a Christian. She did it to your face, behind your back, and on social media. I sometimes ask myself, “What is wrong with this picture?” Did you ever wonder why it is that Christians can be some of the meanest, worst, hurtful people; yet then you meet a non-Christian or non-church-goer at work or in your neighborhood that seems to be incredibly kind? Or you have a co-worker that seems to bend over backwards to help you get things done while Christians in another department talk about how they work to protect their territory and “stay ahead of the game.” Why is this the case?

Spiritual realities to keep in mind:

Remember that you will need to step back from the immediate picture to take a broad look at life before your reactions become sinful. Here is why:

Some people are having a bad day (I Thessalonians 5:14).

That reality does not justify nasty words or actions, but take into account the mean person’s present situation and circumstances. God asks us to show grace and forbearance towards others as we have been shown the same. Ask yourself if this is a regular pattern and way of life for this individual? Does she normally respond this way to others, or is this attack out of character? Or does she seem to act this harshly and evil only towards you? By way of illustration, Elijah was conquering the prophets of Baal and calling down fire from God one day; and then the next day, he is running out into the desert to flee from a woman who challenges him. He experiences great victory one day; but as he fled from Jezebel, he may not have been the nicest person to encounter at that point. You may still be wondering how to react to your particular situation when you on the receiving end of a torrent of verbal abuse; but when you respond, make sure you do so with grace and mercy in your heart keeping this point in mind:  the actions toward you may be the result of a person’s own difficulties and not because of you.

Some people claim to be Christians but are not (Matthew 7:21-23).

Some people who claim Christianity are in the category of the statement from Matthew 7–“Depart from me; I’ve never known you.” They are not children of God. But they don’t know that. They think they are just fine, living a lie. This group, for me, probably represents the largest reason for all the bad stuff that happens “in the church.” Yes, it is compelling that the Corinthian church had a number of evident sin issues and open fractures in their midst, but Paul did call them to deal with the known issues and was pointing them toward either reconciliation or removal. The first purpose of dealing with sins against another brother is to seek reconciliation, but the second purpose is to see if that person responds as a brother, or as the world responds. The fact that we allow certain people to be mean again and again, while being church members, is one of the main reasons the church has hurtful, mean, bad people in it. WE ALLOW IT. We give them wide birth and try to soften the blow by using non-biblical jargon like, well “it is what it is” or “they just are that way; it’s just their personality.” A consistent pattern of chewing people out is evidence or fruit of unbelief.  Where is the Spirit in their lives?  The church is responsible to do a better job of confrontation and discipline.

We tend to see people in a certain light, but maybe we don’t have all the facts (Proverbs 18:13).

Remember that people live their lives by any number of counselors in their world, setting the pace for their view of life. Some people say having people be mean towards you is just a being part of the “real world.” Yes it is–a really distorted and sinfully selfish world. An example might be a situation where a woman is dealing with abuse in her home. We hear of husbands that feel they can treat their wives abusively both verbally and physically. How does that come to pass? They believe that they MUST BE respected! And if they don’t get that respect, then they have a Christian obligation to make their wives respond properly by intimidating and/or shaming them. The anger blows up into what he feels is righteous anger for such disrespect towards him. We heard recently of two different husbands who felt free to call their wives despicable names that I will not repeat here. Instead, this evil of abuse is a hidden time bomb in the church and in the home. Do we really know what is going on with people? Oftentimes no. So the result?  These people will at times blow up at you, justifying their anger as part of their “real world.”

Some people have not been under the regular teaching of the Bible (Romans 14).

So is it any wonder that some Christians don’t know HOW to change either? They have watched other “believers” live similarly. What is the big deal? Unfortunately, if they continue to be malnourished spiritually, they will not grow to understand their error. It may help to point them to God’s Word rather than some Christian that they imitate. Remind them that they may be following an ungodly or even unbelieving person who claims the name of Christ. The cycle will just continue to perpetuate itself. The church must teach truth and follow up on truth by intensive discipleship.

Some people have lost the battle with the flesh and have unleashed sinful reactions (Galatians 5:16-21).

No one said the Christian life is easy, so it is evident that Satan is going to keep on attacking and driving wedges wherever he can. If he can get the true church divided by attacking itself, he has won more than half the battle already. But he has to get at us through our sinful flesh. So when people are mean towards you, realize that if they are believers, they have, for some reason or another, given vent to their fleshly ways rather than the Spirit. Call them to repentance and walking in the Spirit. But don’t do it in the flesh.

Regardless of the above reasons, we are called to overcome evil with good (Romans 12:14-21).

Notice that I did not say we hide evil or ignore evil. We overcome evil. And the first place to overcome evil is in our own hearts when we want to “give it back to them as good as they gave it out.” And remember that leaving a person in their sin, continuing to sin, and believing it is okay to keep on sinning against others is not a loving thing to do. Just find the path to help them overcome the evil in their own hearts. Point them to the cross and conviction by the Spirit. If their pattern of anger and meanness continues, you can be fairly sure that the Spirit is not within.

Remember that the effects of the depravity of the soul can show up in a number of ways (Galatians 5:19-21).

This biblical principle of depravity can include all kinds of mean, evil, hurtful and deplorable actions against other Christians. We struggle to understand how a so-called Christian can act this way. Meanness is the effect of sin. Sin has many permutations. Accept that fact and reality. The Bible does not portray Christians as exempt from these sins, but it does expect that we will respond to and deal with sin differently because of our spiritual life within and because of our view of the Gospel–we have been forgiven of everything in the Great Exchange.

Unbelievers can be “good, moral” people motivated by their good works (Matthew 19:16-22).

When you see people in the world around you doing good, remember they have a certain world view they live by that drives them. They may have bought into that view of the life which rewards good deeds. So it makes sense that they will try treating you well. Others just understand that life will go better with good will towards a neighbor. So this kind of person, although self-driven, will take measures to be kind. And some of this kindness is simply a result of being image-bearers who know there is a God but don’t yet have a relationship with Him. So kind unbelievers may seem more prevalent at times that kind believers.

Bottom Line (II Corinthians 5:21).

When you are on the receiving end of a believer who is crushing your spirit with nasty words or actions, use the filter of Gospel to extend grace to that believer because you have been forgiven of everything, be willing to confront the sinful actions because of love for another believer, be willing to ask yourself if this is a pattern of behavior in this person’s life, acknowledge the fact that this believer may be young in the faith, or realize as well that this person may not be a believer at all who thinks that the Spirit is within when He is not. As a church body, we must also be willing to confront consistent, nasty behavior.  Sewing discord in a body of believers can take all of the oxygen out of a body, leaving that body weak and disjointed.  Recognizing patterns of sinful, harsh words and behavior, addressing those patterns, and desiring for those believers to confess their sinful ways to change will add to the health of a local body of believers.

I think the word accountability at times has an off-putting odor. It smells of Gestapo-like Christianity. That particular feel to the word accountability is unfortunate. The other problem with the normal idea of accountability is that it is always connected to a meeting or an event. Instead, accountability is a Bible-concept that should be a part of our missional life and discipleship life together in the body, the church.  But that is where the snag comes. For many people, “church” is something they do on Sunday in a prescribed way and form. The idea that church is a living organism that breathes spiritual life together 24/7 is not always on people’s radar.

So for those of us who do buy into open, honest relationships that foster compassionate care and concern, along with biblical, soul-feeding, we must include good, intentional discussions and questions. These kind of interactions are not “Gestapo-like” but instead are Christ-like communication designed to draw one another out into Pauline care described as a nursing mother and a loving father among the young believers in Thessalonica (I Thess. 1) and the growing concerns in their hearts.

When, as part of your missional accountability, you move into the realm of purity, here are some suggested questions that you might put on the agenda in order to be honest and open in how you are doing in your pursuit of God’s goodness and greatness.

1. What were your weak times of temptation lately? (days, times of day, situations)
2. What specific thoughts or actions did you allow? If masturbation was involved, confess this struggle and allow others who have struggled with it to help to encourage you to have victory.
3. Were there any specific triggers? (events, audio, video, circumstances?)
4. How did you respond to failure? Godly sorrow and repentance? Ignore it? Seek immediate help?
5. If you are married, how is your discussion of this weakness or these weak points with your spouse?
6. Do you think you have been too casual in your exposure to lust-driven entertainment?
7. Is there a certain form of electronic media that is more tempting for you than others?
8. How has your focus on God and His beauty been a specific form of meditation and joy?
9. Do you rely on the Holy Spirit and grace of God to give you victory? Have you specifically prayed about those weak points of temptation and asked for God’s help?
10. Do you need to take any drastic measures for a period of time?
11. Are you willing to commit yourself to intense discipleship (biblical counseling) for a period of time in order to see more growth and victory in this area?

Taken from Appendix 1, Soul Purity: A Workbook For Counselors And Small Groups.

Final thought to those desiring accountability: Accountability is a one-another kind of activity with both sides of the partnership being committed whole-heartedly to the work. Accountability always will fail if one or the other is not faithful to follow through. Saying, “keep me accountable” puts all the pressure and weight on one person. Group accountability is even better than just one-on-one.

One thing that we must know as we help people who are grieving is that they need time. They need to work on their response. They need to remind themselves of what God has said. They need to allow all of God’s resources to take effect. It will take time. They need their heart to be renewed (Romans 12:1-2) . All of us will tend to respond like the world around us, apart from God’s grace and mercy.

Understanding the Christian in grief

With a young Christian, you will need even more compassion and patience. Young believers have not practiced these truths in other areas yet, and now they are called on by God to live truth out in the hardest of times. But that is still His plan for them. Disciple them. Help them grow. Help them drink from God’s word (2 Peter 2:2 — Help them taste of God’s goodness.).

With the Christian who has not developed the habit of reading and of meditating on the Word, you must insist that they begin to practice this activity. If they have not done much praying, then they must turn to God and not to their friends who do not know God or to those who are not grounded in TRUTH.

• Unfortunately our culture and even the church tends to think that if you have experienced grief, then you will be the best one to help and to counsel someone else through that loss and pain. NO! Only someone who has gone through grief biblically and with God’s help and hope will be a better companion in this journey.
• But even if I have not known your kind of grief, I am better positioned to help you by pointing you to God and what He has said in advance that is specifically designed to meet your need. The person who has confidence in God and His Word is much better equipped to help others than someone who just gutted it out or who has experienced their anger and ignored the pain or handled their grief on their own. They have not experienced God in their grief. They just know grief.

Romans 8:18-39 and my grief

I promised to spend some time in this passage in order to gain help on our journey down the path of sorrow. Unfortunately, too often people jump to Romans 8:28 in trying to give some kind of help to a friend in grief. That verse, if set in its context, fits into the overall plan Paul had in encouraging the people of Rome. But without the context, we miss so much help and hope.

• Sufferings of this present time (v.18) include pain, loss, and sorrow. We who look for the coming glory of God can begin to understand how reminding ourselves of God’s coming and kingdom can help. So we can ask God to help us to know the reality of His coming and glory in the midst of our pain.
• Knowing that all of creation, not just my family, is experiencing the “groaning” that I feel, helps my pain to some degree (v.19). I am reminded that thousands of people have gone through similar or worse events as a result of our fallen world. And the joy in our hearts is that we will be set free from the groaning, the corruption, the pain so that we can experience the glory of God.
• We must have patience in this current sorrow and loss (v. 25). God has His plan, so I must wait on Him. In the meantime, I am still confident in my expectation of God’s goodness and kingdom. He has promised that this process of waiting is to strengthen my faith and character.
• Meanwhile, He has given me His Spirit within (v. 26-7). There are days I cannot express the loss in words. But God knows exactly what I feel or what I cannot put in words, even to Him. His Spirit is ready to bring my thoughts and my feelings to the Father. He loves me and cares about me.
• And for those of us who love God and are His called ones for His purpose (that is every child of God, not some special group of super Christians), He is working all things together for good (v.28).
  • Now consider this verse that we struggle to understand–Romans 8:28.
  • What is God doing? How is this pain and loss doing anything good?
  • I think we could say that Genesis 50:20 is the Old Testament Romans 8:28. Joseph’s response to his brothers was this: God knew what He was doing through all of this pain, heartache, separation, sin, evil, and lost time together. We cannot go back. We should not want to.
  • God allowed these events and planned the rescue of a whole nation around Joseph’s hardships and separation from his family. The good that God wanted to do was accomplished through the suffering and trials, the pain and separation, the lost time with his brothers and dad. Joseph saw it all.
• Don’t miss verse 29 which shows us the big picture. God is always at work in these events of grief to accomplish His purpose: that is to make us like His Son, Jesus.
  • Jesus experienced all of these kinds of sorrows and grief (Isaiah 53:3-4). We look up to Jesus. We know He was perfect. He was without flaw as He faced pain and loss of the worst sort. This is how we get to share in His suffering and know what it is like to please God our Father.
  • We can know that Joseph was a better leader and brother and son because God took him through these events. He was like Christ.
• Then we arrive at v.31-39 and the comprehension of this precious truth.
  • God is for us. He is not against us.
  • And even though we may experience evil or loss and pain and suffering in this world, God has not deserted us. He cannot.
  • He shouts to us from the cross, “I love you this much.” He will give us all that we need in our loss and grieving.
  • Nothing can separate us from His love. “I don’t feel like God loves me right now.” I understand. But you must read this and believe it. Convince your feelings and lack of seeing God in this event that His love is as real as your pain and loss.