We hear quite a bit about brokenness from those who are speaking to the church and by those speaking about the church as well as by those who would describe our general human condition. I certainly do not disagree with the term brokenness (Romans 8:19-23).  My only concern is that we should use the term in such a way that reflects the whole of scripture in its context along with all of the texts that speak of victory, conquering, and overcoming through Christ.  Otherwise, we as a body of Christ are tempted to commiserate in our brokenness, halted on the sanctification pathway, manifesting little difference between ourselves and the world.

Certainly, we are all broken people, saved and unsaved, because of the fall and its dark effects. Depravity has touched all parts of our being and has caused brokenness to show up and to manifest itself in many different forms. But the point of this article is to point out what distinguishes our brokenness from the world’s chains to brokenness without Christ. Sin’s effects stretch across the landscape of our lives. Families, churches, schools, teams, government, and on it goes–they all can be shown to have been affected by the sinful brokenness of mankind. But let’s remember, there is victory through Christ. All of us experience the following brokenness; however, we have the answer and the pathway to be conquerors (Romans 8:37) scripturally:

• People in a family experience brokenness as that unit is split in two by the pride and selfishness of the parents.
• Churches experience it as people in the pew become driven by their fears and evil desires, their controlling manipulation and attacking antics.
• Our country experiences the brokenness of political rivals who attack and cause hurt to their opponents, doing whatever it takes to win.
• Friends who have been hurt by others take out that hurt on someone else in turn. Unchecked brokenness usually leads to more brokenness.

Healing is offered by the Powerful, Great Physician (Matthew 8 and 9)

Although we as believers will always feel the effects of brokenness on our lives until Christ comes back to make all things new, we still can begin to enjoy the renewing and healing work of God now. In the writing of our day, the phrase sometimes used to express this concept is already/not yet. The work of God has begun in us, especially in our inner man. We feel the decay of our outer man, as Paul describes it; but we get to enjoy the renewing work of God on our inner man. So we are not the Humpty-Dumpty of our world. God is beginning to put us back together again.

In fact, I have realized how many times in the gospels, when God puts Christ on display for the world to see who He is and what He can do, God is not just showing them so that they would accept Him as Messiah. God is not just healing people so they can experience His compassion. God is definitely putting his power on display so that we can get a taste of what it will be like in His Kingdom forever. And we should definitely be enjoying, even if it is in fits and spurts at times, the healing work of our inner man. The brokenness that we have known can be replaced and should be in the process of being replaced with His grace and mercy, love and goodness. The paralytic got to experience what every paralyzed person will know forever in God’s kingdom. The disciples saw how powerful Christ is over nature while in a little boat; and therefore, they got to experience what everyone will know in the Kingdom of God–nothing within nature will harm them. The demon-possessed men of Gadarenes experienced what all of us in God’s Kingdom will know: Satan cast out and restrained so he has no power over us at all.

Now, we can think about Jesus’ prayer in this new way: “Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth, as it is in Heaven.” So then the God who will bring healing to the nations, justice to His people, peace and safety to our world, this God has already begun that work in our hearts.  If we have surrendered to the KING, and my life, heart, and soul is His kingdom, we should know its reality and work daily. This truth means that we need to live in light of His power and healing of our soul. We should not keep living in despair. I realize we need to apply the grace of God and the Word of God directly to the areas of our soul and life that are the most heavily impacted by brokenness. Another reality is that although the brokenness within is being healed, I will still be impacted and affected by the brokenness of the world around me. I will be the recipient of their sinful brokenness,  even when I have already begun to know healing myself. But enjoy and embrace the new life that comes directly from the King of Kings. Don’t stay broken, at least not in the same way you were broken when you came to Christ and knew His complete and unconditional forgiveness.

Be an overcomer (I John 5:4-5) “Who is it that overcomes the world except the one that believes that Jesus is the Son of God?”; be victorious through Christ; be more than conquerors through Him who loves us.  Yes, we are broken.  But don’t stay broken.  Don’t settle for an Eeyore, “Woe is me” attitude in the body of Christ.  Have a healthy perspective of your sin, but also have a healthy perspective of the Over-comer in your life as well.  He is the Victor.  Otherwise, we let sin reign in our mortal bodies, and knowing God and enjoying God does not make room for such weight of brokenness here on earth.

One final thought–Brokenness connects us to a sinful world simply because, in reality, we are not better than anyone else.  This honest attitude helps us to disciple and to counsel new believers to come out of their brokenness.  BUT if we overemphasize brokenness void of hope, we have little to offer unbelievers or new believers as well (Romans 5:2-5). Let’s be careful that we don’t boast in brokenness to the neglect of hope. Don’t stay broken.

It happened yesterday. Someone slammed you verbally. She attacked your character. She hurt your feelings deeply. What is so bad or unusual about this hurtful event? She claims to be a Christian. She did it to your face, behind your back, and on social media. I sometimes ask myself, “What is wrong with this picture?” Did you ever wonder why it is that Christians can be some of the meanest, worst, hurtful people; yet then you meet a non-Christian or non-church-goer at work or in your neighborhood that seems to be incredibly kind? Or you have a co-worker that seems to bend over backwards to help you get things done while Christians in another department talk about how they work to protect their territory and “stay ahead of the game.” Why is this the case?

Spiritual realities to keep in mind:

Remember that you will need to step back from the immediate picture to take a broad look at life before your reactions become sinful. Here is why:

Some people are having a bad day (I Thessalonians 5:14).

That reality does not justify nasty words or actions, but take into account the mean person’s present situation and circumstances. God asks us to show grace and forbearance towards others as we have been shown the same. Ask yourself if this is a regular pattern and way of life for this individual? Does she normally respond this way to others, or is this attack out of character? Or does she seem to act this harshly and evil only towards you? By way of illustration, Elijah was conquering the prophets of Baal and calling down fire from God one day; and then the next day, he is running out into the desert to flee from a woman who challenges him. He experiences great victory one day; but as he fled from Jezebel, he may not have been the nicest person to encounter at that point. You may still be wondering how to react to your particular situation when you on the receiving end of a torrent of verbal abuse; but when you respond, make sure you do so with grace and mercy in your heart keeping this point in mind:  the actions toward you may be the result of a person’s own difficulties and not because of you.

Some people claim to be Christians but are not (Matthew 7:21-23).

Some people who claim Christianity are in the category of the statement from Matthew 7–“Depart from me; I’ve never known you.” They are not children of God. But they don’t know that. They think they are just fine, living a lie. This group, for me, probably represents the largest reason for all the bad stuff that happens “in the church.” Yes, it is compelling that the Corinthian church had a number of evident sin issues and open fractures in their midst, but Paul did call them to deal with the known issues and was pointing them toward either reconciliation or removal. The first purpose of dealing with sins against another brother is to seek reconciliation, but the second purpose is to see if that person responds as a brother, or as the world responds. The fact that we allow certain people to be mean again and again, while being church members, is one of the main reasons the church has hurtful, mean, bad people in it. WE ALLOW IT. We give them wide birth and try to soften the blow by using non-biblical jargon like, well “it is what it is” or “they just are that way; it’s just their personality.” A consistent pattern of chewing people out is evidence or fruit of unbelief.  Where is the Spirit in their lives?  The church is responsible to do a better job of confrontation and discipline.

We tend to see people in a certain light, but maybe we don’t have all the facts (Proverbs 18:13).

Remember that people live their lives by any number of counselors in their world, setting the pace for their view of life. Some people say having people be mean towards you is just a being part of the “real world.” Yes it is–a really distorted and sinfully selfish world. An example might be a situation where a woman is dealing with abuse in her home. We hear of husbands that feel they can treat their wives abusively both verbally and physically. How does that come to pass? They believe that they MUST BE respected! And if they don’t get that respect, then they have a Christian obligation to make their wives respond properly by intimidating and/or shaming them. The anger blows up into what he feels is righteous anger for such disrespect towards him. We heard recently of two different husbands who felt free to call their wives despicable names that I will not repeat here. Instead, this evil of abuse is a hidden time bomb in the church and in the home. Do we really know what is going on with people? Oftentimes no. So the result?  These people will at times blow up at you, justifying their anger as part of their “real world.”

Some people have not been under the regular teaching of the Bible (Romans 14).

So is it any wonder that some Christians don’t know HOW to change either? They have watched other “believers” live similarly. What is the big deal? Unfortunately, if they continue to be malnourished spiritually, they will not grow to understand their error. It may help to point them to God’s Word rather than some Christian that they imitate. Remind them that they may be following an ungodly or even unbelieving person who claims the name of Christ. The cycle will just continue to perpetuate itself. The church must teach truth and follow up on truth by intensive discipleship.

Some people have lost the battle with the flesh and have unleashed sinful reactions (Galatians 5:16-21).

No one said the Christian life is easy, so it is evident that Satan is going to keep on attacking and driving wedges wherever he can. If he can get the true church divided by attacking itself, he has won more than half the battle already. But he has to get at us through our sinful flesh. So when people are mean towards you, realize that if they are believers, they have, for some reason or another, given vent to their fleshly ways rather than the Spirit. Call them to repentance and walking in the Spirit. But don’t do it in the flesh.

Regardless of the above reasons, we are called to overcome evil with good (Romans 12:14-21).

Notice that I did not say we hide evil or ignore evil. We overcome evil. And the first place to overcome evil is in our own hearts when we want to “give it back to them as good as they gave it out.” And remember that leaving a person in their sin, continuing to sin, and believing it is okay to keep on sinning against others is not a loving thing to do. Just find the path to help them overcome the evil in their own hearts. Point them to the cross and conviction by the Spirit. If their pattern of anger and meanness continues, you can be fairly sure that the Spirit is not within.

Remember that the effects of the depravity of the soul can show up in a number of ways (Galatians 5:19-21).

This biblical principle of depravity can include all kinds of mean, evil, hurtful and deplorable actions against other Christians. We struggle to understand how a so-called Christian can act this way. Meanness is the effect of sin. Sin has many permutations. Accept that fact and reality. The Bible does not portray Christians as exempt from these sins, but it does expect that we will respond to and deal with sin differently because of our spiritual life within and because of our view of the Gospel–we have been forgiven of everything in the Great Exchange.

Unbelievers can be “good, moral” people motivated by their good works (Matthew 19:16-22).

When you see people in the world around you doing good, remember they have a certain world view they live by that drives them. They may have bought into that view of the life which rewards good deeds. So it makes sense that they will try treating you well. Others just understand that life will go better with good will towards a neighbor. So this kind of person, although self-driven, will take measures to be kind. And some of this kindness is simply a result of being image-bearers who know there is a God but don’t yet have a relationship with Him. So kind unbelievers may seem more prevalent at times that kind believers.

Bottom Line (II Corinthians 5:21).

When you are on the receiving end of a believer who is crushing your spirit with nasty words or actions, use the filter of Gospel to extend grace to that believer because you have been forgiven of everything, be willing to confront the sinful actions because of love for another believer, be willing to ask yourself if this is a pattern of behavior in this person’s life, acknowledge the fact that this believer may be young in the faith, or realize as well that this person may not be a believer at all who thinks that the Spirit is within when He is not. As a church body, we must also be willing to confront consistent, nasty behavior.  Sewing discord in a body of believers can take all of the oxygen out of a body, leaving that body weak and disjointed.  Recognizing patterns of sinful, harsh words and behavior, addressing those patterns, and desiring for those believers to confess their sinful ways to change will add to the health of a local body of believers.

I think the word accountability at times has an off-putting odor. It smells of Gestapo-like Christianity. That particular feel to the word accountability is unfortunate. The other problem with the normal idea of accountability is that it is always connected to a meeting or an event. Instead, accountability is a Bible-concept that should be a part of our missional life and discipleship life together in the body, the church.  But that is where the snag comes. For many people, “church” is something they do on Sunday in a prescribed way and form. The idea that church is a living organism that breathes spiritual life together 24/7 is not always on people’s radar.

So for those of us who do buy into open, honest relationships that foster compassionate care and concern, along with biblical, soul-feeding, we must include good, intentional discussions and questions. These kind of interactions are not “Gestapo-like” but instead are Christ-like communication designed to draw one another out into Pauline care described as a nursing mother and a loving father among the young believers in Thessalonica (I Thess. 1) and the growing concerns in their hearts.

When, as part of your missional accountability, you move into the realm of purity, here are some suggested questions that you might put on the agenda in order to be honest and open in how you are doing in your pursuit of God’s goodness and greatness.

1. What were your weak times of temptation lately? (days, times of day, situations)
2. What specific thoughts or actions did you allow? If masturbation was involved, confess this struggle and allow others who have struggled with it to help to encourage you to have victory.
3. Were there any specific triggers? (events, audio, video, circumstances?)
4. How did you respond to failure? Godly sorrow and repentance? Ignore it? Seek immediate help?
5. If you are married, how is your discussion of this weakness or these weak points with your spouse?
6. Do you think you have been too casual in your exposure to lust-driven entertainment?
7. Is there a certain form of electronic media that is more tempting for you than others?
8. How has your focus on God and His beauty been a specific form of meditation and joy?
9. Do you rely on the Holy Spirit and grace of God to give you victory? Have you specifically prayed about those weak points of temptation and asked for God’s help?
10. Do you need to take any drastic measures for a period of time?
11. Are you willing to commit yourself to intense discipleship (biblical counseling) for a period of time in order to see more growth and victory in this area?

Taken from Appendix 1, Soul Purity: A Workbook For Counselors And Small Groups.

Final thought to those desiring accountability: Accountability is a one-another kind of activity with both sides of the partnership being committed whole-heartedly to the work. Accountability always will fail if one or the other is not faithful to follow through. Saying, “keep me accountable” puts all the pressure and weight on one person. Group accountability is even better than just one-on-one.

One thing that we must know as we help people who are grieving is that they need time. They need to work on their response. They need to remind themselves of what God has said. They need to allow all of God’s resources to take effect. It will take time. They need their heart to be renewed (Romans 12:1-2) . All of us will tend to respond like the world around us, apart from God’s grace and mercy.

Understanding the Christian in grief

With a young Christian, you will need even more compassion and patience. Young believers have not practiced these truths in other areas yet, and now they are called on by God to live truth out in the hardest of times. But that is still His plan for them. Disciple them. Help them grow. Help them drink from God’s word (2 Peter 2:2 — Help them taste of God’s goodness.).

With the Christian who has not developed the habit of reading and of meditating on the Word, you must insist that they begin to practice this activity. If they have not done much praying, then they must turn to God and not to their friends who do not know God or to those who are not grounded in TRUTH.

• Unfortunately our culture and even the church tends to think that if you have experienced grief, then you will be the best one to help and to counsel someone else through that loss and pain. NO! Only someone who has gone through grief biblically and with God’s help and hope will be a better companion in this journey.
• But even if I have not known your kind of grief, I am better positioned to help you by pointing you to God and what He has said in advance that is specifically designed to meet your need. The person who has confidence in God and His Word is much better equipped to help others than someone who just gutted it out or who has experienced their anger and ignored the pain or handled their grief on their own. They have not experienced God in their grief. They just know grief.

Romans 8:18-39 and my grief

I promised to spend some time in this passage in order to gain help on our journey down the path of sorrow. Unfortunately, too often people jump to Romans 8:28 in trying to give some kind of help to a friend in grief. That verse, if set in its context, fits into the overall plan Paul had in encouraging the people of Rome. But without the context, we miss so much help and hope.

• Sufferings of this present time (v.18) include pain, loss, and sorrow. We who look for the coming glory of God can begin to understand how reminding ourselves of God’s coming and kingdom can help. So we can ask God to help us to know the reality of His coming and glory in the midst of our pain.
• Knowing that all of creation, not just my family, is experiencing the “groaning” that I feel, helps my pain to some degree (v.19). I am reminded that thousands of people have gone through similar or worse events as a result of our fallen world. And the joy in our hearts is that we will be set free from the groaning, the corruption, the pain so that we can experience the glory of God.
• We must have patience in this current sorrow and loss (v. 25). God has His plan, so I must wait on Him. In the meantime, I am still confident in my expectation of God’s goodness and kingdom. He has promised that this process of waiting is to strengthen my faith and character.
• Meanwhile, He has given me His Spirit within (v. 26-7). There are days I cannot express the loss in words. But God knows exactly what I feel or what I cannot put in words, even to Him. His Spirit is ready to bring my thoughts and my feelings to the Father. He loves me and cares about me.
• And for those of us who love God and are His called ones for His purpose (that is every child of God, not some special group of super Christians), He is working all things together for good (v.28).
  • Now consider this verse that we struggle to understand–Romans 8:28.
  • What is God doing? How is this pain and loss doing anything good?
  • I think we could say that Genesis 50:20 is the Old Testament Romans 8:28. Joseph’s response to his brothers was this: God knew what He was doing through all of this pain, heartache, separation, sin, evil, and lost time together. We cannot go back. We should not want to.
  • God allowed these events and planned the rescue of a whole nation around Joseph’s hardships and separation from his family. The good that God wanted to do was accomplished through the suffering and trials, the pain and separation, the lost time with his brothers and dad. Joseph saw it all.
• Don’t miss verse 29 which shows us the big picture. God is always at work in these events of grief to accomplish His purpose: that is to make us like His Son, Jesus.
  • Jesus experienced all of these kinds of sorrows and grief (Isaiah 53:3-4). We look up to Jesus. We know He was perfect. He was without flaw as He faced pain and loss of the worst sort. This is how we get to share in His suffering and know what it is like to please God our Father.
  • We can know that Joseph was a better leader and brother and son because God took him through these events. He was like Christ.
• Then we arrive at v.31-39 and the comprehension of this precious truth.
  • God is for us. He is not against us.
  • And even though we may experience evil or loss and pain and suffering in this world, God has not deserted us. He cannot.
  • He shouts to us from the cross, “I love you this much.” He will give us all that we need in our loss and grieving.
  • Nothing can separate us from His love. “I don’t feel like God loves me right now.” I understand. But you must read this and believe it. Convince your feelings and lack of seeing God in this event that His love is as real as your pain and loss.

Now what? I cannot change what has happened. I can only respond to the events and to the people around me. It seems like they have all moved on. I cannot seem to move on. And what does it mean to move on anyway? Why should that matter? Nothing seems to matter anymore.

The Gospel and the “Arenas of Grief”

So now that we have anchored ourselves to some of the gospel truths that God has given us, how do these truths help us with the “arenas” of grief that we may experience and that supposedly we will face?

#1 Denial and isolation: Since God has a plan and since it is good, I must embrace Him and the path He has for me now. To deny what is happening or to avoid its reality is to miss out on part of what God wants for me today. I have to trust him (Proverbs 3:5-6).For those of us around the person going through the shock and loss, we need to make sure they take care of themselves physically. Rest is crucial but difficult. Eating is important. The gospel reminds me that God gives me life today. I must spend it well for His glory. If we see someone punishing themselves or hiding from others, it is a sign of trouble.

• • Do not remove yourself from the church body  God has given you. You are missing out on part of God’s provision of help. Do not worry about what they think. Trust God. Call out to them for help in your loss. If “professional counselors” say you need time alone, “your time,” or something similar, they are not aware of the help God has waiting for you in His church.
  • Also remember that the whole body grieves. If you remove yourself from Christians around you, you are leaving them to grieve alone. (Remember God’s NT commands to love and weep and comfort one another.) Neither you nor they were made to sorrow alone.
  • Remember that God is always with you. Lay your grief on Him. Daily (I Peter 5:7), He will care for you. Know that He cares for you. If necessary, print out this verse from I Peter and put it up in your home everywhere.
• #2 Anger: The ultimate blame and therefore the bitterness that comes with it will be towards God. The gospel rescues me from telling God He has done wrong. I am humbled before God as His child and ask Him to keep me from the anger and blame that would destroy my heart. I want to be rescued from trying to hand out justice on my own. (See the comments on bitterness in Grief: A Look at the Heart Part 2)
• #3 Bargaining: I have nothing to recommend myself to God. I have come to Him by grace. I cannot try to “make a deal” with God. I have to trust Him now. I cannot control the future. Thinking I could somehow make sure nothing like this happens is foolish. (Review grace in part 2 of this study as well.)
• #4 Depression: Feelings and emotions are amazing things. But they must be brought under the work of the Word and God’s Spirit. These are two infinite, powerful, living resources for us (Hebrews 4:12). And the Spirit and the Word were meant to work together. Give the Spirit of God something to work with in your heart by reading and by meditating on truth.
  • Whether or not I feel like trusting God, I must do so. Whether or not I feel like God is there, He is. Whether or not I feel like doing some things in the wake of a loss or impending illness, I must continue to do what God has called me to do. I am here to serve Him.
  • I must inform my emotions about the gospel and about my God. Whether or not my feelings respond to that truth is not the important factor. My heart will decide to move forward in faith regardless of my feelings. For instance, I deserve eternity in hell. So it is truly God’s infinite grace that I will never experience that pain, sorrow, loneliness, and emptiness.
  • MUSIC: Psalms 13 is an expression of trouble and pain by the Psalmist. He has sorrow all the day. And music was one of the ways he allowed God’s goodness to minister to him when he was down. Find music that specifically helps lift you up out of yourself, and look at God and the gospel.
  • The CHURCH family must help those grieving not to get stuck in the valley. Instead they must help me see my Good Shepherd who leads me through the “valley of the shadow of death” where I am not to fear the evil that has passed my way. And to the Church, “You need to stay with them for the long haul.”
  • Also, take time DAILY to remember God’s works and kindness, His faithfulness and gifts to you. Thanksgiving is a very needed spiritual activity in the midst of my loss. I may have lost a person, a friend, a loved one, but I can never lose God. I will never be cast out.
  • Serve. When you are ready, and it should be soon, you need to invest in others. Other people are hurting out there as well. They hurt in different ways. They need to hear you pray for them and tell them you love and care about them. Give out. Don’t do it just to feel better about yourself. Care for others. That care for others will help you to avoid feeling sorry for yourself. We all tend towards some kind of self-centeredness and feeling self-pity. But we must care for and about the needs of others.
• #5 Acceptance: We do not settle for stoical fatalism in the gospel. We want someone to find the gospel of Jesus to be sufficient hope and full of grace for today. (Remind yourself of  ways the gospel anchors us from part 2 in this study.)
  • We want the gospel truth to minister more and more. We will help a believer see God’s path. We can actually have joy in knowing a loved one has passed through the doorway into eternity with Jesus.
  • We are not finding some religious crutch to help us “cope” with the loss. Biblical truth is real. When a dear lady in our church was in the final stages of Alzheimer’s disease, her daily statement to her family was this: ” He has not taken me home yet.” When she died, her passing was with great joy. She was home. Finally.
  • When, on the other hand, a loved one is taken suddenly in an unexpected death, we must focus on their gain, not on our loss. Therein lies the path of grace to our own peace.
    • If we hold on to what was or what we wanted life to be in the future, or hold on to what it was in the past, we are wanting to hold them back from the incredible reality they are now experiencing. That reality is hard to accept, but it is God’s purpose.
    • He wants us to be with Him forever. We are selfish people, so we do feel our own loss rather then their gain. We tend to look at this life and not the next.

Part 4 concludes the study concludes the study by addressing the Christian in grief.

Life certainly has tragedy and pain in it. We cannot avoid these effects of the fall. At times our lives are even impacted by other people’s unwise choices or sinful decisions. But since we cannot change those facts, what can we do? In the first part of our study on grief, we looked at the landscape on which grief is found.

Psychology believes that it is inevitable that we go through the stages of grief (I prefer the term arenas as it implies that there is no certain progression or certainty to this process). But I believe we must decide how we will respond to the trouble, pain, and sadness that comes our way. We do have a choice in our response. Nothing is inevitable.

What kinds of Bible truth help us deal with the realities of living in a fallen world? What should we remember when we grieve? What gospel truth helps and gives us hope? I am not saying that we might not drift into one of the arenas of grief; after all, we are still human beings who experience grief. Paul said as much in 1 Thessalonians 4. But Paul also said we should experience grief in a different fashion than those who do not have gospel hope. (v.13)

Gospel Anchor Points for grieving

• #1: God’s gospel changes my relationship with Him. I am His child. This is extremely good news. Consider what Jesus said in Matthew 7:11. God is a Father who knows how to do good for His child.
  • God does not punish His children. The gospel reminds us that although we are sinners, God is not using our sin or the sin of others as a reason to take us through a hard event to punish us.
  • He does not have your child go through cancer in order to punish you for sin you have done. Your sins are paid for. Done. God has other purposes in that disease or that sudden death. Judgment for sin is not one of the purposes of this trouble and pain.
  • But God loves me as His child. That loves does take me through hard things. I have to trust Him. Romans 8:18-39 is a great passage to use in helping people travel the road of grief. They need to see God’s love on display for us (v. 32) in the death of His own son. Later, I will take up Romans 8 as a study with some suggestions as to how to use this passage with those grieving.

• #2 God’s gospel promises something better in the future. The good news is that this life is not all there is. Hope is crucial to mankind. A study on hope is very necessary to people in grief.
  • Although we face evil and fallen world realities now, we have a guarantee of something much, much better in eternity. Romans 5:2-5 speaks of hope. This word hope is not a “I hope so, maybe so” kind of word. Hope as defined by Paul in God is assured and confident expectation. It is just a matter of time and these things will be reality.
  • I know thinking about eternity does not take away the loss. But it must be put into perspective. We have this brief time on planet Earth. Then we spend forever and ever either in heaven or hell. (Remember what Paul said in I Corinthians 4:16-18. Do not lose heart. This affliction, this pain, this sorrow is temporary compared to the unseen things not yet experienced.)
  • And the good news of forever is that it is with God. There will be no pain or tears with Him. That is good news. Really good news. The grieving heart needs some good news today. If spending eternity with God is not better than spending the next decade with a friend, then we need to rethink our good news.

• #3 God’s gospel brings immediate help. His good news has brought us the person of His Spirit. (John 14:16) He is the “Helper” or “Comforter” or literally “the one called alongside” us right now.
  • That means we will never face tragedy and loss alone. Even when we wake up at night, wrestling with the loss or imminent death of a loved one, we can call out to God. He is there.
  • In fact in Philippians 4 when Paul discusses anxiety, he points us to the God who is to be thanked in prayer. We thank God in the midst of anxious times. Thank Him for His Spirit.
  • We exchange anxiety for the peace of God. This peace is something beyond description. It is peace that does not come from a medical prescription. It comes from within our hearts from a loving and gracious God. Embrace His comfort by His Spirit.

• #4 God’s gospel brings us into a relationship with a whole new group of people: The church, both universal and local.
  • We need to ask ourselves whether or not we have a healthy relationship with the family of God. Is it a close family? Do we share our pain and loss? The most common “one another” activity in the New Testament is love one another. Look it up. See what this family activity calls you to in times of grief.
  • Do we have a small group or missional group within our local church that is an extension of our life? We really need that group as our “support group” in times of grief.
  • And we may even need some long-term, intensive discipleship, called counseling, that will help us sort out our thoughts and feelings. God’s Word and people have sufficient resources for the coming months. Use them well. This counseling will help us to stay connected to our discipleship group in the church. If no one engages you in your grief, maybe you will be awakened to the fact that you are part of a “go to church” rather than “we are the church” atmosphere.  That situation must change.

• #5 God’s gospel rescues us from uncertainty.The good news is that when I became a child of God, He became my Father, and He rescued me from wondering if He knew what He was doing.
  • He is King and rules and reigns in all events. Sovereign means He rules. He is in control. (Revelation 6:9-10 says that we have to trust, as do the saints in heaven, martyred for their faith, waiting for His return and His kingdom.)
  • How does that work? Should He not keep us from all evil and pain? While people from Job’s time up to the present have wrestled with that question, one simple truth must be our anchor point. A good God who sacrificed His Son on the cross, can be trusted. ALWAYS.
  • Faith is not blindly leaping into the dark, it is stepping out in the dark (the current situation and my lack of understanding) onto an unending platform that God puts there. That platform is called HIS WORD. What God says about Himself must be the platform on which I stand in the midst of the emotions, sadness, and loss. Consider those mentioned in Hebrews 11 who suffered and lost their loved ones for the cause of Christ. By faith they believed that God knew what He was doing even though they would not see the end result yet. They trusted God’s character and remembered His actions.

• #6 God’s gospel rescues me from myself. People without God go through grief and loss by their own means and on their own terms.
  • But we are all weak. I don’t have all the answers.
  • I won’t always feel right or think right. But God will keep reminding me in His word that He is the one who is strong, not me. (Look at Paul’s words in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10.) My weakness is an opportunity for His strength to be on display. So the gospel changes how I can respond to death around me.
  • The Bible understands our weakness. God knows that we are dust. I know that statement does not sound great, but those words of the Psalmist are actually very encouraging (Psalms 103:14). He promises that even when we think we are facing something too great for us to handle, God does not think that way (I Corinthians 10:13).
  • This is where sanctifying grace is so special to us. God saves me by grace, but His grace is also an all-sufficient spiritual power to take me through this grief and to change me into His likeness. The sufficiency of grace is that God wants us to know its power. We are to depend upon grace and not on drugs or feelings or even other people.

• #6 God’s gospel reminds me that I have been forgiven. And that forgiveness calls me to forgive others (Colossians 3:13). This forgiveness of God must bring me down to the level of anyone who has caused me evil and thus caused me grief.
  • I am not to be angry at those who have done evil to me. What if a drunk driver lost control of his car and hit my friend’s car? The gospel calls me to reach out to the drunk driver that killed my friend. The drunk driver will live with his choice, and I must leave God to be his judge and society’s laws to deal with his wrong.
  • If society does not bring justice in the situation, I still must turn the person who did me harm over to God. God will repay. The gospel rescues me from a life of revenge and bitterness. Otherwise, the grief will destroy me from within, and I will become a bitter person (Romans 12::14-21).

• #7 God’s gospel helps me to see that I did not deserve the hope that I have been given. How wonderful Ephesians 2:1-10 with the details of God’s mercy and grace should sound to us.
  • Grace. God’s grace has come to my heart.
  • So should I blame someone else? That blame is my pride saying I would never do something so hurtful or foolish that would cause others pain.
  • But for the grace of God, I would have been the one behind that wheel and under the influence of that bottle that killed my friend.