Job’s Depression and My Story

By Dr. Judith R. Coats

In my life, I have been discouraged multiple times. However, I have been depressed twice. What is the difference? Discouragement is generally a loss of enthusiasm or confidence in a person or because of a situation. Of course, there are varying degrees and duration of discouragement; but the emotion does not usually become debilitating. Discouragement is also generally confined to emotion. Depression in a very broad sense is a very different “beast.” It crosses over from emotion to dictate how we think, what we believe, and how we act. When discouraged, we usually continue our daily activities under a rather mild blanket of sadness. When depressed, we absolutely do not function or at least barely function. The level of irrationality and debilitation is profound.

Depression, of course, has varying degrees of depth and duration for those of us that have walked that valley, and it has various “ground zeroes.” A negative memory, a post-partum experience, a financial loss, a severe illness, a sexual assault from the present or past, a death of a loved one, an abandonment, or a divorce are any number of “ground zero” situations to set up people for depression.

It was a heart condition, AFIB and a blood clot in my heart, in the summer of 2018 that plunged me into a desperate, dark, lonely, grief-stricken depression. My fight with this monster called depression lasted approximately 5 months. I watched myself descend, and I watched myself come out of the dark.  I had been there before, so I had the knowledge of what was happening. Please read about my other experience here.

Admittedly, depression’s causes and links are hard to pin down. Depression can be learned from someone dear to you who perhaps was depressed all the time; depression can be physical as in a post-partum experience or post-surgery; depression can be linked to a personality tendency; depression can be spurred on by loneliness or friend-lessness; depression has many sources. No matter the reason or the cause, the story of Job gave me hope and inspiration as I studied it during my encounter with depression. And I noticed many stunning truths. The greatest lesson I learned is that no matter the “reason” or “duration” of the depression, the hope came back down to one simple truth. Let me lead you to that truth as we look at Job’s story.

In God’s sovereignty and at God’s appointment, God chose a man who “feared God and stayed away from evil” (Job 1:1) to walk through a deep, dark, horrific depression. I believe that the book of Job reveals through Job’s thoughts, beliefs, and actions at the time, that he was facing depression. Here are the catalysts for depression that Job faced:

1. Loss of loved ones in one day (All of his children perished.)
2. Loss of relationship (Job’s extended family is not evident here at all.)
3. Illness (Boils covered his entire body; he sat in dust and ashes scraping the sores.)
4. Loss of friends (Their advice was insulting and showed that they really did not know him.)
5. Loss of finances (He lost his entire livelihood in one day.)
6. Marital difficulties (He lacked the support of his wife during this trial.)
7. Pride (Perhaps for the first time in his life, he questions God.)
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8. Loss of all his animals

Evidently, the only “ground zero” that I do not see in the life of Job is sexual assault or physical assault. But other than that, in a very short span of time, Job faced all of these listed hardships at once. You can feasibly be doing “everything right,” focusing on God and detesting evil, and the circumstances that touch your body and soul and your surroundings create a layer of depression that overshadows your life entirely. At this point, don’t ask “Why?” Ask “What?” What is God doing in my life?

In the following verses, I wanted to show you how Job processed his experience and how I processed mine during my 5 months of depression in order to parallel our experiences. My pain does not measure up to Job’s, but our reactions (and others’ reactions) are similar in the middle of depression.

(The verses are taken from the ESV.)

Job 3:3–Job says, “Let the day perish on which I was born.”

My daily thoughts—“What is the point of staying alive.”

Job 3:21—Job says, He “digs for [death] more than for hidden treasures.”

My daily thoughts—“I simply want to die.”

Job 3:26—Job says, “I am not at ease, nor am I quiet; I have no rest.”

My daily thoughts—“I will never again feel peace or contentment in my life.”

Job 6:11—Job says, “What is my strength, that I should wait? And what is my end that I should be patient?”

My daily thoughts—“I simply cannot go on like this.”

Job 7:7—Job says, “My eye will never again see good.”

My daily thoughts—“I will never feel happy again.”

Job 7:16—Job says, “I loath my life.”

My daily thoughts—“I am lonely and alone.”

Job 10:9—Job says, “Remember that you have made me like clay.”

My daily thoughts—“I feel like a pawn in your hands.”

Job 16:7—Job says, “Surely, now, God has worn me out.”

My daily thoughts—“Why are you doing this to me, God?”

Job 17:11—Job says, “My plans are broken.”

My daily thoughts—“The future will hold no joy for me.”

Job 19:13—Job says, “Those who knew me are wholly estranged from me.”

My daily thoughts—“There is no one that understands my plight.”

Job 19:22—Job says of his friend’s words, “Why do you, like God, pursue me?

My daily thoughts—“This is not fair.”

Job 21:15—Job says, “What profit do we get if we pray to him [God]?”

My daily thoughts—“Praying does nothing.”

Job 23:17—Job says, “Thick darkness covers my face.”

My daily thoughts—“Darkness overshadows every day.”

Job 30:11—Job says, “God has loosed my cord and humbled me.”

My daily thoughts—“This has humbled me like no other time in my life.”

Job 30:16—Job says, “Days of affliction have taken hold of me.”

My daily thoughts—“My life is over.”

The statements that Job expressed are starkly shared by those that are expressed by many of us in the midst of depression. I do not claim to be an expert on the subject of depression, but I do speak from experience. In my brutally honest reporting of my thoughts, my daily death-wishes were tempered by a hope that Job saw as well.

So what was God doing?

God used this trying time in Job’s life to draw Job into a closer walk with Himself. Our God is not a punisher. We must see God as one who has open arms and is always drawing us to Himself, deeper and richer. He uses poetic questions to bring Job back to the realization that if God in His infinite wisdom watches over a hawk that soars, how much more does he care for us?

Job 38:4—“Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?”

Job 38:12—“Have you commanded the morning since your days began, and caused the dawn to know its place?”

Job 38:22—“Have you entered the storehouses of the snow, or have you seen the storehouses of the hail?”

Job 38:31—“Can you bind the chains of Pleiades or loose the cords of Orion?”

Job 39:26—“Is it by your understanding that the hawk soars and spreads its wings toward the south?”

Job is humbled by God’s questions, and Job learns a valuable truth in the end:

Job 40:3-5—“Then Job answered the Lord and said: Behold, I am of small account; what shall I answer you? I lay my hand on my mouth. I have spoken once, and I will not answer; twice, but I will proceed no further.”

Job 42:6—“I have heard of you by the hearing of the ear; but now my eye sees you.”

What does Job mean when he says, “But now my eye sees you”? Job knew of God by tradition of his forefathers; however, now, his senses are heightened and there is a clarity of closeness to his precious Father God.

What is the valuable truth through all of this? It is this: God is asking you and me in that intimate relationship with Him, “AM I ENOUGH?”  No matter what comes my way, He is sufficient; and He is mine.  “Trust in me,” “I’m thinking on you,” “My grace is sufficient,” are all truths that came back to me as I faced the black waves of depression. God was enough. God is enough. God will be enough.

*****Note: I’m writing this article during COVID19 simply because I have the time to process my notes from a year ago. Even in these circumstances, the truth is applicable here as well: God is enough.