As we continue to walk through the story of David and Absalom, we are learning that it is by focusing on David that we see Christ through him and the godly response to betrayal and bitterness (previous 2 posts: Part I here and Part II here). By focusing on Absalom, on the other hand, we get a pretty good picture of what bitterness will do to a person who does not deal with hurt biblically.
Let me encourage you to read 2 Samuel 13-18 sometime this week to see the whole picture of the situation and how Absalom handles the evil done in his family. We recognize the problem with David’s passivity as a leader here, but we should not blame David for Absalom’s anger, hatred, and desire for revenge. For two years, Absalom plotted and planned how he would kill Amnon (2 Sam 13:28-32). For the next three years, Absalom lived with his maternal grandfather. David was not proactive in trying to reconcile with Absalom.
Consider the thoughts and desires of Absalom. Are they that far removed from our thoughts if someone raped our sister or our daughter? When we know someone has been wronged and justice is not being handed out, are we not like the vigilante justice so common to our world in its movie “heroes”? Do we really wait on God’s justice and vengeance for those oppressed and for the weak who have been taken advantage of? I hate the evil done against the weak and helpless by those with power and strength.
When Absalom returned, David communicated no desire to work out the relationship with his son. Two more years went by, and finally Absalom asked, by way of Joab, “What is the point? Why am I even returned?” So David allowed Absalom to come to meet him at the palace. Absalom bowed, and David kissed him. From the rest of the story, it is apparent that biblical reconciliation did not take place. Forgiveness, repentance, and restoration result in a new and better relationship, not one marred by the past. 
This is a critical point in Absalom’s journey towards ultimate revenge. He is no longer gaining revenge against Amnon. Amnon is dead. Now Absalom’s thoughts, anger, and bitterness have been fully turned towards David. And ultimately towards God who he sees as to blame as well. David does not resolve this situation fully. Or at least it would seem so. He could have brought Absalom into the palace. He could have spent much time rebuilding a relationship that was strained. And if Absalom does not respond, so be it. On the other hand, Absalom could have seen David’s tepid attempt at reconciliation and just gone out and lived his life, despite David’s lack of clarity and charity. Absalom still had the opportunity to put away the evil in his own heart and express it to God. He did not.
For the next four years, Absalom worked at gaining the loyalty of the people in the kingdom around David (2 Sam 15). When David realized the betrayal and destruction that was coming, he gathered his loyal friends and soldiers and headed into retreat. It is one of those literary and historical ironies that the man who had been David’s counselor was now Absalom’s counselor. His name was Ahithophel. He was the father of Eliam, Bathsheba’s dad.
If you were in Absalom’s place, what would keep you from being poisoned by bitterness? That, I think, is a critical question. All of us will go through some hurt. We will face pain and anguish over things that take place. We may even struggle to resolve a broken relationship with someone who was once close to us, yet we don’t see the relationship changing in a positive direction. David may have resisted bitterness but did not handle his family situation well. We will probably have a family member or church friend who says things that are not true or are very hurtful. How do we then respond? Bitterness starts out as anger that is unresolved. We tend to turn to God and blame Him. However, in these times of hurt we have to resolve these emotions and deal with the bitter feelings.
Questions for your meditation:
- What is the tension we feel in analyzing or assessing responsibility in a story like this? Who is to blame and why do we want to place blame on someone?
- If we are counseling other people about bitterness, how do we help them take responsibility for their role before God?
- When was the last time someone did evil against you? What was the extent of this wrong doing? How deeply did you feel the pain of their sin against you and why?
- How can we help someone else see the depth of their anger against God and man?
- How did you respond to the evil done to you? How did you guard your heart against the “root of bitterness” that tries to grow deep within you? How did the “blame game” begin in your heart, and how did you respond?
Next time, I will offer some final thoughts on further gospel help in dealing with bitterness in Part IV.
